ramblings, basically.

The End

2005-12-31T09:59:00.000+08:00

This blog shall cease to update. A brand new year, a brand new beginning!

If anyone wants to know where I've gone to, I can be emailed here.

So, with that, have a spankin new year, everybody!

The Christmas Story

2005-12-25T12:01:00.000+08:00

Here's the reason why I was being stared at yesterday.

Yup, I was wearing that about. How cool :)

And our cousin Christmas Eve tradition was to be kept. Hence,

I was feeling a bit self-obsessed yesterday, so we were taking lots of pictures on my camera. On top of that, we went to take neoprints for momento. I happen to love the neoprints! We were going a little psychotic. I don't think we've gone out much since forever. And I was suddenly bursting out laughing for no apparent reason. It's dangerous. Imagine if I emerge to be some sort of businesswoman and we have to hold a meeting and I have a cup of coffee. Note to self, don't touch it till the meeting's over. I may just blow off every bit of the chance I have.

So anyway, at night, coussie came down while we caught A Blessed Christmas on tv which was kind of lame, some bits were funny, and most importantly there were quite a few local singers who can... really... sing. That, I thought, was pretty rare. :p Cough.

We carolled to ourselves thereafter. It was still a long way to midnight, so she taught me a bit of french. I was having more troubles remembering the pronunciation as opposed to the word. French may be sexy but it's hard. HARD. We then proceeded to play boggle as we had nothing better to do, and finally counted down before she left. After midnight, Power98 was playing non-stop Christmas hits, and I was delightedly singing to myself before I fell asleep. It was very Christmasy!

This morning, I woke up doe-eyed, semi-blind without my glasses and saw a present sitting on my table. I just took it to my parents room and madly ripping it apart. A top. No trace of who the sender might be. I was going crazy, asking my mum and dad and they both had no clue. Finally the lazy ass brother woke up and walked into the room and said, "It's from me lah. You think Santa really came and left you a gift is it?"

But...

But...

:p

Just made Christmas brownies that weren't very successful. Still.

Merry Christmas everybody!

Christmas Eve

2005-12-24T18:30:00.000+08:00

As of the second year of my cousin tradition, I'm high on caffeine again. What's new? :)

Coussie and I were out for a wee bit to walk about and I got stared at a lot. I'm gonna get used to this whole staring scene soon. Please, people, stare at me. I love it. Not.

Merry Christmas!

whinewhinewhine.

2005-12-22T21:41:00.000+08:00

I feel like I've done more today than I've done in the last 5 days. Or maybe the shopping was more satisfying the previous days. But hey, I meant in terms of constructive work. :p

Let's see...

helped mum with laundry
changed the bedsheets for me and bro
experimented in the kitchen with bro with beef patties and eggs (oh yeah we were trying to make sunny side ups yesterday. complete failure. It's tough!)
watched 5 episodes of Laguna Beach on the computer and 1 episode on MTV
wrote 4 more christmas cards today
filled up the huge container outside with water to water the plants. trust me, it took 3-4 times of filling up the pail from the kitchen to the balcony.
cleared half the shelf on my table
filled up a huge recycling bag with books
called up juniors to ask if they want my books - none.

Why does NOBODY want ANYTHING? Should I really throw all these hard work, these notes away? Trust me to be kiasu enough to accept all the seniors' notes. I just realised I never referred to any of them at any point of time. They're just taking up space under my bed. UGHH.

By February, my room should be spick and span cos I'd have finally managed to throw out everything possible.

I'm so tired but I can't wait for tomorrow. *innocent*

Oh yeah I'm actually getting into the Christmas mood. Been singing a lot of Christmas songs, have plans with coussie on Christmas Eve and perhaps do some Christmas cookies on Christmas itself! HOLLA!! ;-)

And then I'll most likely see everybody again on Tuesday when I have to go back to school to select subjects. That'd be cool, I miss everybody! My only complain is to have to put on that uniform again. I thought I'd have rid of it already! I mean yeah a weeny teeny bit does miss that uniform but heaven forbid, I don't like wearing it really. lol

It's the eve of the eve of the eve of Christmas! How cute! I officially turn 16 years and 4 months. :)

Bunking Out

2005-12-20T19:19:00.000+08:00

A point to make. I usually get disappointed when it's something I've done, or something I organised or suggested that didn't turn out as good as I wanted it to be. Yes, me me me. When it's something that is someone else's responsibility, I usually don't have as high expectations as I do on myself, thus I usually don't get disappointed otherwise. Even though I aim low most of the time, I do actually have high expectations of myself, it's just that people can't tell sometimes. Okay I'm done with the point I needed to make.

Moving along, I was bunking out last night away from the comfort of my bed - oh the soft cushions and mattress, the abundance of clean water, the isolation from strange creepy people and places. No doubt it wasn't as fun as I hoped for it to be, it was a really nice experience sharing time with people. I had a lovely time lying on my back, gazing at what is supposedly called a starry night in Singapore with an extremely golden yellow glowing moon. (Don't correct me, I know we see the moon cos of the reflection of light. I choose to call it the glowing moon here.) It was a pretty sight. It was creepy though cos I'm a wuss when it comes to hanging out outside when it's extremely dark and there are lots of trees around. My imagination can kill. If I'm to go to the toilet alone, I imagine looking at the mirror and seeing more than just me in the reflection. When I'm in the cubicle, I imagine some random door clicking open or close though nobody seems to be the culprit of the actions. When I turn on the tap, I imagine something creeping up from behind with a rope to strangle me while I wash my hands.

Second point to note, I should never ever watch horror films.

So there, I am a wimp. :)

Anyhow, I had about an hour or so of sleep tops. I had a hard time making my eyelids not shut back immediately when it's open. I was yawning away, somewhere between the conscious world and the unconscious one, somewhere between dream and reality. But by the afternoon, I was like *snap* awake. I still am right now, and it's almost like I had double shots of espresso or something. Thing is, I didn't. So it's extremely odd that my body isn't screaming at me for depriving it of sleep. Hmm. I think I should sleep for 12 hours straight tonight. :p If I were studying and had only that little amount of sleep, I would so be grouchy right now and demanding sleep right away. Funny how holidays twist your body reactions.

Last night was nearly like how it felt on the last day of the O's, crashing at Brenda's place. It was that bad, wide awake. I think I suffer from insomnia when I'm away from home. Or maybe I just can't live without my bed.

And I never knew Pasir Ris beach forbids swimming in the sea. Hmm.

Despite the slightly uneventful night, it was so laidback, it's almost like I haven't been out and feel this laidback in ages. It feels good. It feels like I'm on a holiday, and I haven't truthfully felt like that since the holidays began. While it really was a lovely night and I truly liked the feeling of it last night, I just wished it'd been better. Still, even though I was so deprived of sleep, I would do it again... it's just gonna need a whole lot more planning. :p

And when I returned home today, I found 3 cards lying on my table. Oh bless! I LOVE receiving stuff by mail. Heh. I'm just gonna have to rush through this stack of unwritten christmas cards. So gonna reach everybody late. Erp. And in 5 days advance, Merry Christmas!

Teenage Textbook

2005-12-19T09:34:00.000+08:00

My mum nagged at me multiple times yesterday to read the papers on the anorexic teens - 5 of them, I think, from respectable schools and well-to-do families. She reminded me numerous times as well that they look really ugly because they're all skin and bones and they actually have the money to feed themselves but they refuse to. They either starve themselves or they make themselves puke everything they've eaten - what a waste of good food. It's worse than not finishing your food. Think of the people in Africa, they would die for a pinch of those food. And here they are, eating them and puking them out thereafter!

Of course I won't deny that I don't finish my food all the time. I'm just trying to make a point.

Anyway I'm not saying screw the looks, just eat all you can. I mean we all base our self-esteem on how we look at least a certain percentage of the time. But there must be better ways of a diet. Besides..

v. di·et·ed, di·et·ing, di·ets
v. intr.

To eat and drink according to a regulated system, especially so as to lose weight or control a medical condition.

And not, "skip all your meals, don't digest anything." That would probably be under suicide but I wouldn't know cos I haven't checked it. *raise eyebrow* I mean, hey I'd gladly pinch my flabs and whine to everybody that I need to lose weight and have someone ringing at my ears that goes "EXERCISE, YOU FAT PIG" than go through such a suicidal act. Thank goodness for these brains of mine. I love you, brains!

And seriously, when you're skin and bones like those pictures show, they actually think it's cool to post it online and encourage one another to be anorexic? Puh-lease. Seriously, not cool. You guys need counselling.

I mean, yeah it's tempting that Jessica Alba was anorexic too.

But she definnitely has a toned body. That means she's gotten out of it, has regretted it and started hitting the gym. Otherwise there is no way she can get that toned bod that guys die for.

And while her bod is hard to reach for me, I'm just gonna aim to be like Kelly Clarkson.

She may be flabby on the arms and whatever, but she has toned abs to show off. She's not ultra slim but she's proportionate and can pretty much carry off any sorta clothing. I'm not aiming to look like any celebrity though. Just that even role models have to be properly selected. :)

Kay, I'm done preaching.

Had some sort of a Christmas dinner on Saturday, which was superb. Went over to my mum's side's relatives' place. We had turkey ham, sausages (which were superb!), roasted chicken, etc and even a logcake which was ohmygosh-ly delicious! But as always, I found myself only talking to my brother cos I'm not close to that bunch... which was kinda sad cos for a while I used to visit them a lot, and play with the little girl. Now she's grown up a little more and probably doesn't remember how we used to play a lot then. Ah well, life goes on.

And then there's the other cousins, one of whom is of the same age as me and everybody would compare us in terms of everything. Every flippin' thing. Then again, on the other side, I get compared with anybody of any age so that doesn't make a difference. But on this side, I get compared with her a lot. In terms of academic, school, choices, height, diet... for a long time she was a heck taller than me. I think I caught up a little bit... a litttttle bit. Compare us in terms of diet cos she ate lots of greens and I was allergic to greens... or maybe not. Maybe I just detested the sight of greens but hey I eat them now. And her brothers were a bunch of monkeys and now everyone's matured and in control of themselves! WOW! Gosh, people do change.

I wonder if they think I've grown to become more antisocial...

Merry Christmas ;-)

PAE Posting

2005-12-16T13:40:00.000+08:00

I'm currently typing on this really weirdly shaped keyboard that's really nice to type on, glancing upon this mega huge and wide monitor screen wondering what the hell I'm doing. :)

This morning I woke up at 8, wondering if I should go jogging but what's new... I'm too lazy to. So I just got online, waiting for my msn list to slowly fill up with schoolmates online eager as hell to check their PAE posting. I was terrified because the devil inside my head wasn't making me feel very good about myself. I had a funny feeling I was gonna be posted to the school across the road which isn't bad at all but I don't know of anyone who's aiming to get in there. Furthermore I can see my house from school and that gives some sort of stress to me. Sounds weird, I know. But somehow I wasn't that keen on getting there anymore. But I had a feeling my results wasn't good enough!

What was worse was that when I was ready to see my results, the screen kept saying the results would be available on 16th Dec from 10am. And when I wasn't ready to see the results anymore, people kept flocking online to tell me the results are already out. Bixia was trying to make us check the results together by clicking at the same time and what not but I was such a wuss. In the end she told me she's gotten into TJ so finally I took a hugeeee breath and clicked the "submit" button staring back at me for ages and found myself overjoyed with the results. I screamed and my brother nonchalantly went "Ssssshhh..." and went back to bed - that annoying bugger. I delightedly told my mum and jumped for joy as she gave me that sheepish grin cos she knew I wanted to make it there.

And the best part of it is, I realised how many beloved people are going there too. :D My worry about surviving the next year is slightly less. Only slightly. Still not looking forward to school. Still not looking forward to the new year. And not looking forward to having to make new friends and wonder which of them I can actually trust.

It sucks when you gotta make new friends and find those you can trust. I mean it's easy to make friends casually. When the sociable soul within reveals itself, I can make friends easily okay. I just need the mood to wanna talk to people. BUT, it always takes a hell damn long time to figure out who you can rely on, who you can continue hanging out with and who you can't. And waiting isn't what I enjoy, really.

But with the bunch of people who are entering the JC with me, well... they're just gonna have to make do with the clingy ol' me for a while. HEH.

I am still glad. :) Can't believe I made it. I actually did!

Matrix Reloaded

2005-12-15T20:25:00.000+08:00

I know this is a few years late but it's never too late.

I had a slight overdose of the Matrix the other day, I'm beginning to think this might not be the real world we're in. Are we? How would you know if it's the truth? What is the truth? Can we make a choice? What is a choice? It's merely what sets the rich apart from the poor.

What is the matrix?

*cough*

Okay I preferred the second movie to the first because there's a complete mix of everything. Action, humour, romance, and a whole bunch of complex story behind it. Action scenes can blow your minds off and the humour just sticks with me. It's such cold humour that is so my type. If there's one thing I'm gonna complain about the movie, it'd be the language they're speaking in. What? English? I KNOW. Even the Victorian English is way more pleasant on the ears. The people in the Matrix (no, I mean the movie) speak in roundabouts. They speak in circles and never, ever come straight to the point ever.

Like the creator, for all that's holy, never ever comes to the point. Yes I'm sure you have lots of questions for me. Some of which I may have answers to, and some I may not. (WELL DUH! Without you telling me that, I already know it.) But the fundamental question, the main question that is at the top of your head that you want the answer to, is something you may not realise, but is most obvious. Translates: Your first question is gonna be rubbish, think twice before asking.

And another thing to complain about is how it really is straining to the brain. The whole time I just sat there busy digesting everything. At the end of it, I think my brain's saturated with all its twists in the facts. Not twists in the story because the twists began right when the movie started anyway. Oh the prophecy! But the twists, well I kind of like them. I kind of like the entire story. It's so confusing, I like it. There's so much to think about. I'm learning not to question WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? in the midst of the movie pretty well because the answer lies ahead most of the time. But if I do question that at every point, I'd be pretty much repeating the question a gazillion times.

I do really, really, really like the action though. It's so cool my belief in superman is diminishing as it is taken over by The One. What a cool superhero! He can do everything! He doesn't even need to recharge using the sun's energy. Except he can't do them in the real world. Or... can he? I need to watch Matrix Revolutions. Oh and why does everybody need a pair of shades that's entirely black? And a suit entirely black to go along with it. Those huge coats replace the red capes found on superheroes - aha! But of course, I knew that!

I'm not very good at reviewing movies, am I?

One Fine Artistic Afternoon

2005-12-15T16:23:00.000+08:00

I had my masterpiece sent around today cos I was so proud of it.

And these are my ever grateful commenters.

I love my new widescreen monitor!!! says:
no comment

Marcus; ~ says:
whats that?

audwee? couch tomato says:
not bad lah

a mark made by love is a scar --it was when i really tot bout it tat i dunoo who i love-- says:
can be better :X

OH MY GOD.

Did I mention I'm REALLY proud of it? Like extremely, extremely proud of it? I'm a freaking amateur artist and I was about to say, call me The Artist.

2 words: WAH LAUUUUUU!!!!! (Translates: What the hell!!!!!!)

Seigey, please come online, I'm begging you!

Well, fine. Go get a picture of Cyclops and try drawing. It's tough OKAY. Damn this thing.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm gonna find a better pastime that would actually boost my ego.

[Edit]
Seige said it's "cute" and it's "nice".
HA! EAT THAT!
I knew I should've asked her first.
[/Edit]

Saw II & Bowling

2005-12-14T08:57:00.000+08:00

Saw II is sick. It's sick! I think I prefer the twists in the first movie but this one is pretty well developed. Or maybe I'm saying this because the previous movie I caught was Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire. Ha!

I cannot imagine how anyone can just guffaw or go, "COOL!" at any of the scenes unless they're of the opposite gender. HAHA (that was SO a sexist statement.) There is a lot, a lot of blood. And it's also pretty much my first horror film in the cinemas. Yet it isn't really horrific it's just gory and bloody and sick. A lot of times I just went, "Oh shit!" or "Oh no no no!" trying desperately to cover half the sight I can see. I mean, I do try to cover my eyes but I'd peek through the fingers. But I was forced to watch everything instead. :p Pah.

Bowling. *crosses finger* I met Bixia, Zheya, Maryo, Esther and Ain today to bowl. I organised it! HAHAHA. Turned out to be a flop. I mean bowling was really fun, if you saw Zheya's exclamation in the previous comment. If you read Maryam's blog, she's lying cos I wasn't being a spoilsport by not participating. I DID participate, you dodo. And I wasn't looking at eye candies though there were obviously a lot, like Zheya said. For some weird reason on a freaking Tuesday.

Okay let's just say it's been more than a year since I went to that particular bowling alley. Apparently Casper came and took it away and transformed it into a stinking smoking karaoke bar. First thought that came to mind when we arrived at that level, it stinks. We all know how much I hate that smell. It's the only thing I curse at, for real, and never want to take it back. :) It stinks. And the level above it had been transformed into some LAN Gaming place which we have zilch interest for.

Did I mention my organised gathering was a flop? I did? Oh, that's funny I don't remember. It was a flop. But hey, I had fun. It was the talk as per normal. :p All that stupid silly teasing and gossiping... and whacking but hey I get whacked all the time. Friends. Brother. Relatives. I'm like everybody's punching bag. I've conceded defeat ages ago.

We went to Library@Orchard cos the one at Tampines has like one eighth of the comics they have there. Or probably one tenth. Randomly took some to bring home to read. We were just walking about, pointing one another's fingers and blaming me cos it was a flop. Still, they want another gathering. Hahaha! How interesting these people are. Oh and we made a pact to forward the results of the first 3 months to everybody so we all know where everybody's going. I really hope we all end up together *sigh* And I had free coffee cos we were playing pass the coffeecup and nobody wanted to finish up the Toffeenut Latte which wasn't too bad. I very much preferred it to the Peppermint Mocha. EEEEEEEEW. Zheya thinks it tastes like colgate. HAHA! I think it just tastes REALLY weird. It's like a mix of mouthwash and toothpaste and coffee. Peppermint's not my type, really. But my brother loves it. He drank it for 3 days in a row, I think. Eew.

We were also discussing what I can do for the rest of my holidays cos most of them have gone to / are going to go abroad. Be it Malaysia or not, I was so jealous. I haven't gone anywhere out of this island! They tried to think of ideas to make my Christmas not sound so sad even as everybody goes away. Like Elise is in London, Jiawei's in Switzerland, Audrey's soon going to Vancouver and god knows where, Nadine's in Penang, Maryam's gonna be in KL, but hey that's good enough. Some people's buggering off to Batam. Bixia just came back from Genting with her darling and has been living off Sentosa for a while. Esther just came back from the US of A. Sharon's going to Thailand. Brenda's going to Japan. Maryam was desperately trying to convince me to just take the family to go Malaysia so that I can safely say I've been out of this island this holidays. I suggested that to my brother a longggggggg time ago, way before the O's ended. Doesn't look like it's gonna happen though.

Oh yeah I just got my mail for getting the EAGLES thingy. (edusave awards for achievement, good leadership and service) Now if I can just transform the $150 to $500... let me go look up the spell for it. *grin*

Okay...

Fine, I shall stop being greedy.

Was so exhausted yesterday I was falling asleep by 10ish. But I didn't lay out my pillow and blanket and stuff cos I didn't wanna sleep so early. Turns out my body wasn't really listening to me. I was like, NO! Sleep at 12! But the body went '....z...z....zz...Z...ZZZ...' so I turned in by 11ish. And I went swimming on Monday which was fun cos I haven't swam in ages. Here's why I can't ever, ever get a tan besides the fact that my granny wants me to be fair forever.

In the morning it was super sunny. Clear blue sky and all. By afternoon, it threatened to rain. Then the sun came out again so my brother suggested swimming. When we went, I was predicting how long it'd take before it'd rain. So the whole time we swam, it was basically just grey clouds and more grey clouds. When we left, the sun came out. Shining and shining down on us. Why, thank you, Mr Sun, I love you too. Now I'll never get tanned.

PS: I just realised that this entry made me sound like a 5 year old.

On Holiday?

2005-12-12T09:16:00.000+08:00

I've been kinda moody lately because whenever I'm home, I'm lying on my bed figuring out what to do.

1) I worry about wasting my holidays away. I have 3 weeks left!
2) I worry about the next time I'm going out, whether it's gonna kick up another commotion.
3) I worry about coming home when I'm out, cos the past few times it's always a lot of arguing.
4) I worry about being grounded some more.
5) I worry about being complained about.

But mostly it's #1 to #3 in a cycle. And that sucks cos that's not how a honeymoon period, ie after O's, is supposed to be.

And to make things worse when you're mad about something else you get a bit more fiery at everything else. Okay I'm not the one who's mad but you get the point. It gets worse than ever.

And I seriously have nothing to do at home. When my bro's home, he hogs the computer. When he's not, that's all I've got. Yes I've been reading books but there is only so much you can read. I'm not the sort who reads the entire day away! Yes I've tried helping my mum as much as I could. I wash dishes. I help a little when she's cooking. I help to fold the clothes from the laundry. These are, however, all done in the evening. So I have an entire afternoon. And there is NOTHING to study for. I wish most of the times I were out. But when my mum asks me out, I don't wish to go out cos it'll jeopardize my chances of going out the next time.

That stinks. I wish for a better holiday. And soon everyone's gonna desert me on this island. Poo. I'm beginning to miss school for that reason. Cos I'm never alone then. For the great start of the holiday I never missed school. For a really boring duration, I do miss school now. Ugh.

[Edit]
Upon reading Zheya's entry... *sniff*

*whine*

I miss school. I wanna go to school. I miss the block periods before O's. When we were all nutheads wondering when we'd ever get serious. I miss school. I miss recesses.

I miss you all. I misssssssssssssssssssssssssss school.
[/Edit]

Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire

2005-12-07T19:24:00.000+08:00

My 2 cents worth.

I'd give it like 3.5 out of 5. That's kinda sad for a Harry Potter film. Well, I personally thought it was a good story. Good film in a way. Plot's fabulous, no wonder why the book's selling well. Story wise it's awesome. Graphics wise it puts the mediacorp chinese serial on at 7pm every weekday to shame. Downright shame. That one has animation as good as (or worse than actually) that of the Powerpuff Girls. But graphics wise for Harry Potter it was really good. I thought the morphing, the surroundings and stuff were good as usual.

However, the scenes were too rushed. It was so eager to tell you the beginning of it, the middle of it and the end of it for the sake of it. Just to cover all grounds as largely as possible. Like how it begun, there wasn't even 5 seconds of the Quidditch world cup. How odd is it to show them entering the stadium with glee and the next thing that happens, it's the post-match period already?

I'm with Elise on this one - Dumbledore is WAY too outraged in this show. Dumbledore is meant to be fatherly. He wasn't fatherly at all to anybody in this show. He was too anxious, too fiery and too out of control of his temper, his shoutings. I want the old Dumbledore back! He keeps doing swift moves and all the "SILENCE!" it's unlike him. He used to be always calm and composed, cool as a cucumber, nothing can take him down or worry him. Too much tension.

Next, every single scene of Harry Potter is of him taking deep, quick breaths. I mean I heard about Harry Potter being more fiery as he grows older but this isn't getting more fiery! It's getting more anxious with every single scene. And again, if each scene wasn't so quick as to show the beginning and the end, the deep breaths wouldn't be so emphasized. It's like, scene 1, Harry taking deep breaths. He's lost sight of the gang while everyone was running. Scene 2, Harry taking deep breaths. He's been chosen. Harry taking deep breaths. He's running. Harry taking deep breaths. He's under attack. Harry taking deep breaths... you get the drift.

The entire movie just leaves you like digesting and digesting there wasn't much that kept you in suspense, dying to figure out what happens next. There were OH NO! moments, there were OUCH! moments but there wasn't much of WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN!! moments. And to make things worse, I predicted the ending. I usually don't manage to predict the endings for the previous movies. And no, I've never read the book. Any of them. So that was kinda sad.

Though on the whole, I mean the scenes chosen were pretty wise I think. There wasn't much that I'd think this scene or that should be deleted and replaced with this other scene. I just thought if they stretched the movie longer to a 3 hour film and gave some scenes a little more development it might've left a better and deeper impression.

Oh yeah Hermione seems to be undergoing puberty. She's always shouting! I know she's always tensed up but she wasn't as shouty-ish as she is now. I thought, anyway. I don't blame her though. I wouldn't be as half as calm as she is if I were her. Ron is the same old mental guy. Harry's still The Wizard (adaptations from The One). Cedric Diggory IS cute, now I see the point in everybody's ogling. And Cho Chang is really pretty. All the sites set up against the actress must've been reeeeeeally jealous fans. She's cute! Her accent was a little distracting but I thought she fits the role.

Hmm... actually it was pretty satisfying to know I predicted the ending correctly. Okay I digress.

Nonetheless, I thought the film was good. Kept me entertained. Oh yeah and the bit where Harry bawled and bawled - brought tears to my eyes but wasn't enough to make me really cry. I cried at the first movie okay! :p The measley bit where he flipped open the book with photographs of his parents carrying him while he was a baby? I cried! Gosh me. But anyway the bit Harry was bawling was really heartwrenching. I can't take it when people cry like that. :(

Oh yeah, this is random. After 6 years, I've finally caught The Matrix. Heh.

Primary School Gathering

2005-12-04T15:02:00.000+08:00

There's only 6 cubes of the chocolate bar left. Shit. Nevermind I feel better now.

Last night was hilarious. I was tired so I couldn't stop blabbering. Had a primary school gathering (BBQ! I haven't had a BBQ in like a year!) and it was really funny and fun and lame for most parts of it. But still fun. It's amazing how everyone got together and chat like we were in school together just yesterday. But it's been four years apart and we still click! Despite there being 6 guys and 3 girls, it was still darn fun. The ever uncanny jokes, lame jokes and dirty jokes that got us laughing either at the jokes, at the people who made them or at how unfunny it actually is.

And MAN! It feels weird to have this whole bunch of guys around again. A lot of them are aiming to go where I am aiming to go to, too! Maybe we'll be classmates again! That'd be quite something! It was also nostalgic the way we bullied one another. Some jokes never die. Some names were still made fun of 4 years later. Some guys were still teased to pair up with some girls to date. While I said some people never grow to mock the guys who are still the same old, they tell me some people never grow to mock my height. Damn those people, I'm not that short! I... I'm not! I've grown taller than my primary school best friend! :p Still fatter than her cos she shrunk but her mum and her said I've lost weight since the beginning of the year. My senior at prom told me I've lost weight too! The people who see me more often just don't appreciate that. Hmpf. You can go on talking about how fat I am, I can just rely on those people to make me feel better. *sticks tongue out*

I swear the people really haven't changed. Some of them are as serious as ever. Some as quiet as ever. Some as talkative as ever. Some as lame as ever. Some as giggly as ever. We're still the geek all-chinese class. They were talking about global warming in the middle of dinner! I rest my case. I tried to drag some literature people out to talk about whatever is left of literature but to no avail. They took both literature and geography so no matter what I wouldn't win it.

AND the guys started making sexist jokes and I was like, "Well, that's because GUYS are..." then paused. They started looking at me and I went, "Forget it, I just realised I'm outnumbered." HELLO? Twice the number of guys? I don't even wanna talk about a guy versus a girl in terms of strength. I do NOT want to be thrown into the pool either. Thank you.

Oh yeah we were the all-chinese class in our school. That's why in sec 1, for a while I felt weird like I had to watch my surroundings making sure I left noone out if I spoke in Chinese. But who am I kidding, since when do I speak Mandarin? :p Yeah one of the guys told me I have an English accent and that it has gotten more powerful. I was like thank goodness cos I'm useless in Chinese anyway.

Back to the geek thing, they started discussing some O's paper in the middle of dinner. I had to repeatedly remind them it's over and we should NOT talk about it. Then they'd go on to talk about the JCs to apply into. :p Gosh. My environment. But it was either that or really cold lame jokes. Maybe, just maybe, sometimes I prefer them to talk about all the academic stuff. :p

We went on up to my primary school best friend's condo only to find out she has a spankin lovely christmas tree! (Seige! Imagine my reaction!) I insisted on taking a picture of the tree on my phone and the guys were so kind as to get out of my sight. Hahahaha. They played cards for a while and we tried to steal the remote and switch channels. Finally we settled on watching a VCD and I caught The Pacifier for the third time except I had to spoil it for them when I told them I had to go after the first disc. But everyone decided to leave too, so it wasn't my fault. The coolest thing was that most of us alighted at the same station when we took the train. And 4 of us took the same bus home. The 3 guys lived so near me I didn't even know it! It hasn't been that way for ages, being able to go home with people taking the exact same bus. It was almost like I got sent home. :P It was really cool! I mean, I know this is so minor but it's always me taking the bus or train alone all the way till the end. Suddenly you have a whole lot of company, it was really, really cool! The great thing about primary school friends - bound to live around the same area. :p

And just a while ago I was still talking to them on MSN, by golly, we're still teasing each other about the same thing we did 4 years ago. And some of them have bullied me 4 years back. Except now I'm equipped with a little more wisdom, confidence and sarcasm, I throw back a lot of sarcasm and teasing it's almost equal now. COOL. :p

Maaan those were the days. Primary school was fun. I wonder if it'd be this case as well, meeting secondary school friends 4 years later and still be able to click as well as we did. That'd be really awesome.

I Hate It

2005-12-04T14:30:00.000+08:00

I hate it I hate it I hate it.

I hate it when my surprises get ruined.

I hate it. I freaking hate it.

Not when I finally decided to take the risk.

Not when I decided to make the sacrifice.

We all know how long I take to make decisions.

I hate it I hate it I hate it.

I don't care I'm gonna gorge on chocolates now.

Letting Go

2005-12-02T15:34:00.000+08:00

Song: Joan Armatrading - The Weakness In Me

You know it's weird when the sole reason that's making you think right now is because of some Scrubs episode. No it actually isn't just some episode. It's Scrubs Season 1 Episode 16. Not that anybody cares. No actually I do. Oh my gosh I'm sounding like Elliot. I should stop watching Scrubs for a while.

Anyway it was an episode about letting go, about your ability to let off all that's troubling you inside and uncap the bottle of emotions you feel inside and let it all flow out till it's empty before you start letting it fill up again. And I guess my way out is to give it a good cry. It obviously helps when you hear a comforting voice at the end of the telephone line. There have been weird moody moments when I just cry without a single clue why I'm feeling that way. But the other times, it could be because I got pissed off badly or horrifyingly disappointed. Annoyed, frustrated and any other synonyms you can find.

I mean it isn't anything surprising since it's so typical, it's almost ordinary. And everybody goes through a phase like that with its variations. But it's amazing what a listening ear can do. It really is. It's especially cool when I think it's the first time I've actually broken down to cry my heart out and curse my way through and let off steam to someone. Sure I'm introverted and sure I do curse at people to vent off anger but I guess I never really got the chance to talk about why I'm pissed or what I'm feeling. Kinda embarrassing huh, not having someone there to cry to for 16 years of your life. I mean yes I've cried on a few shoulders before. (And boy it really is few.) But crying and cursing is anybody's ability. Being able to listen to it and provide sufficient comfort and support isn't. I received that, plus several attempts at trying to make me laugh, empathy and the sound of concern.

And for that I really, really am thankful. Did I mention I'm thankful? I am thankful. Did I? Okay, enough.

Sharing joy is chicken feet. Sharing sorrow and anger isn't. And maaan, the latter is tough. I always had my barrier up. I like to be seen as jovial, perky and bubbly little bouncy one. Always living up to people's expectations, always happy to be life's ambassador, going about telling people to live life to the fullest. That's what they call a brave front. Ironically not really brave to me. Is it really a brave act? Is crying the action of a wuss? Is being a toughie the best way out? But time took the barrier away. It smashed it into fine pieces and I'm glad. I don't know why but I am glad. I am so glad I wish the other people around me who are cooping themselves up within the walls they built on bricks on their own would attempt to smash it down for someone else to reach out into them and help them too. You don't always have your way but there are chances to take.

And something I learnt from J.D., you don't always like the outcome of the risks you take but you're always glad you took them.

I don't make sense all the time but I'm this sure this post would make sense.

Wow this post sure has a ton of hidden meanings.

Job Progress So Far

2005-12-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

I've either been rejected straight to my face without a conversation taking more than 5 minutes, or through the phone, or being told that they'll "call back" and then anxiously wait for that important precious call that could mean money for the holidays and get none. Oh don't you just love the anticipation!

If I get none by tomorrow (still optimistic somehow) then I'll go begging my cousin to take me in and give me work to do. Otherwise, nobody gets christmas presents this year. Haha :p

Dear Santa, please grant me a job. And my wishlist is pretty long this year, you can slowly take your pick and just grant me like 80% of it. :p

Class Of 2005

2005-11-26T20:30:00.000+08:00

Prom. People who say all-girls prom is boring deserved to be smack. Twice. Girls have their fun when they go out together and stuff, what difference does it make if we have our own prom? Besides, if we were to combine with some random guys school, wouldn't that make it more awkward than fun, at all? I mean okay maybe some girls would be ogling at the guys and vice versa but how fun is that? Not very.

Anyhow, the emcees kind of sucked. They treated us like little kids and were telling us they could do it the "easy way" or the "hard way". Now what is this? Military camp? Really, it's our prom, dude. Our teacher did a much better job. I think we should've gotten teachers to emcee, save the hiring of emcees cost and the money can be invested to change the venue to some hotel ballroom. :p Or give out more lucky draw prizes so that the unlucky ones like myself have more chances on winning ANYTHING at all.

Oh okay Bren and I caught the little box the emcees threw at the finale. Opened it up to realise it was a compass. Great, now I won't get lost when I'm out at sea.

But it was fun seeing everyone dressed up. Everyone was so pretty! :) Oh yeah Brenda's mum did my eyes so they were purple. Hahaha. Okay that's random.

The games were kinda boring though. We were sneaking out to the toilet many times. Wasn't really intriguing. Taking pictures with one another was more so. :p

Anyway towards the end there was the Graduation Song played (typical, but always, always appropriate) and we just went about in circles, swaying from side to side, holding one another's hands. It was sad. I was upset. I didn't wanna leave. I don't wanna graduate. I don't wanna move on. I finally got closer friends towards the second half of the year. I took a year and a half to find these friends and now they're making us split. I don't like the idea that all good things must come to an end. Not true. There're everlasting marriages. They don't go to an end! Why must these stuff come to an end?

I like taking the lazy way out. I like things to remain the way they are - happy and merry, free of worries. I like things to remain. I don't wanna move on. I don't wanna graduate. I like the way we are now and I don't want it to change, ever. I hate the idea of an end, even if it's the end of only one chapter. Things are not gonna be the same, ever, and everybody knows that. I don't like it.

Then we did our school cheers on our own, ignoring the emcees and teachers. We were stamping our feet with our heels. LOL. We cheered and we sang. And then a brilliant teacher's suggestion was to sing the school song once more. And everybody did sing their hearts out, very loudly and proudly. And I felt tears welling up but was determined not to let it ruin my makeup. Bren saw the tears I think. Then we went out of the ballroom and took several class photos, final hugs and pictures before we went outside. I hugged another friend and told her I was about to cry. And finally I did, smudging the eyeshadow all over. I was horrifyingly purple. I cried and I cried while I hugged her. And then Bren and Zheya came out and told me it's okay we could still hang out. But it'd be different! I just know! I don't want it to change!

Anyway we went back, I went over to Bren's place and stayed over. I cried some more at her place before finally stopping. We talked during the night till about 2, about our entire journey, since day 1 of stepping into this secondary school to the very last. Day 1 was our allocation of classes, when we came in our primary school uniforms. I was so out of place. So, so out of place. Then I made friends, and Audrey and Elise became my bestest friends for 2 years. Actually we only got really close at Sec 2. So I took a year to find my friends. Coincidentally (or not), the three of us got split into three different classes. The only three triple science classes, yes each of us there. Ironic, everybody says. Sad too. Sec 3 I didn't really exist until later, or so Bren says. I was non-existent. Well, nearly. :p I was just sitting by myself, invisible, quiet. Until finally I mingled more and became friends with Bren when we sat together. Then we got closer, and super coincidentally we got into the same watch in OBS together. We were close. I relied on her pretty much for a lot of things. Mid sec 4, I finally got closer to Maryam, Nadine, Zheya, Bi Xia and Cheryl. I took a year and a half to find these friends.

And now, we have 2 years of JC. How am I gonna survive there when I take that long to find my friends?

But I'm glad, even though I took that long, I found the perfect groups. We braved through streaming and O's together. I cried after my PSLE only out of joy because of my grades but I wasn't that reluctant to leave. Now, I don't know how I've scored but I cried so much more and so bad. Perhaps when they say sec school life is the most memorable, they do mean it. I'm gonna miss everybody so bad. :(

I hate changes. I hate it. I wish things don't have to change sometimes. I've been waiting so long for graduation. And now that I have graduated from there, I don't want to anymore. But man, we're a hell of a cohort. We're a hell of a class. We're a hell of a group. We braved through more things than we ever expected to. We thought we'd die after this and that but we always made it through. We pulled through. And now we've literally pulled through the 4 years. At least I know one thing's not gonna change. No year would ever replace the Class of 2005.

PAE

2005-11-24T13:56:00.000+08:00

It's driving me nuts. I can't decide where to go for the first 3 months. I have basically the first 2 choices settled. I have 10 more to fill up.
And apparently I don't think going into a triple science stream was a good idea. I think I'm left with science stream choices only. I doubt I can go into arts. I don't have enough humanities subjects foundation.
Damn.
*pulls hair*
I'm going cycling. yay.

Calling All Sec 4 Students

2005-11-22T21:36:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine, Suzi, is part of organising this competition for Radio Heatwave, part of Ngee Ann Poly's Mass Comm thing, it's just for fun so those who're hung up on the idea of going JC can just try it out too!

Here's the web address: http://www.radioheatwave.com/

Pretty interesting, in my opinion. :)

Vacation Job

2005-11-21T16:30:00.000+08:00

I'm considering going for the 2 walk-in interviews tomorrow listed on the papers that have a higher chance of wanting me. It's scary though because I've never been interviewed and to have 2 pop out at the same time, it's pretty freaky. But I really don't wanna have to ask for money from my parents during this break and there's a ton of things I wanna get, I might as well work for it since I won't have much to do this vacation. And because I haven't done much, any thing I get would be exposure and experience!

Think I'll only start to talk about it if I do get the job. Haha. I hope it pays. :p

Liberation To Date

2005-11-19T19:50:00.000+08:00

Here's what happened yesterday when we were told that the time was up for our last paper.
1. All grins spread all across the faces of everybody.
2. Quickly glance around and smirk at everybody.
3. Turn to the friend nearest to you, grin again.
4. Stamp your feet in joy.
5. Squirm in your seat.
6. Look around impatiently for the invigilator. Here's my paper, TAKE IT!!!
7. Grin some more as you strike off the final paper on the entry proof whilst some just save the crap by crushing it.
8. Wonder if 10 years of studying was worth waiting for this very date.
9. Wonder who to call later to scream into the phone and say, "I'm FREE!!!!!"
10. Wonder what to do next for the stretch of vacation - finally!
11. Grin some more.
12. Laugh hysterically.
13. Cry for joy.
14. Grin and grin and grin.
15. Prance around, dance and hop after being dismissed.
16. Take tons of pictures of each other/with one another/of the hall.
17. Hug anyone and everyone and scream into their ear.
18. GRIN!

Okay I didn't cry but I felt like it. Nearly did especially seeing Cheryl and Bi Xia cry. Awww I just went around hugging and finally screaming out. I got so shaky I had no clue why but I was so, so, so shaky. But it's all good. :) It is over. It is. I just gotta drill it in my head cos right now I still feel like it's not over. There must be something remaining to mug for. Isn't there? No? Hmm. I guess because there isn't something to mark the finale of it all perhaps.

But yay, I love my friends for being there for me through these years. Always finding someone to tell me to keep going on at times when I feel like giving up, always asking me to work damn hard for the final stretch. I'm just hoping our effort pays off! I'm really glad I had those lovely people around. It's really gonna be weird next year when it's no longer an all-girls environment. I had so much fun in an all-girls environment. ;-) The openness would be restricted in some ways and the road for education stretches far and never straight but we will make it through!

Yeah okay I had fun hanging out with the whole gang yesterday. From walking the long way to avoid jaywalking (the silliness :p) to frantically flipping through books and notes for last minute memorising, to hugging each other out of sheer relief that everything was over, to having dinner and talking rubbish even though we were all so braindead and tired. Bi Xia and I were at Brenda's place after that to stay over. We were so sleep deprived that when I got home today I immediately went to bed. Ah well it was still fun while it lasted. :)

Thunderstorm - Pros And Cons

2005-11-17T14:47:00.000+08:00

I'm scared of lightnings.

To make matters worse, I left home this morning while there was a thunderstorm. Thunder kept booming, lightnings kept flashing and striking non-stop. I'm not afraid of lightnings that way. I don't care much about lightnings. I do want to be able to snap a picture of a lightning some day. I just am terrified of it when I'm walking about under a measley foldable umbrella with the smallest of plastic handles.

It's one of the situation when you feel sort of isolated. There isn't many places you could run to. Anywhere under nowhere was dangerous. Even void decks flats aren't entirely safe, let alone bus stops. Lightnings strike anywhere and everywhere they want and I am scared of them. I do not want to be struck by lightning. That's the worst way I would ever want to die.

It was pouring madly this morning and my granny had suggested going to school by cab, except I have too much pride for my own good. I told her I could make it to school by public transport on my own. She said well okay could get my mum to fetch me to the bus stop with the huge umbrella we have. I said no, I'll be fine.

Six-thirty in the morning, dark and gloomy, lightning strikes once... twice... thrice... I was terrified! I was half walking as quickly as possible, half praying the lightning would strike far far away from me. And then I saw this flash strike down across the street. I do not like lightnings when I'm out.

Midway through the carpark, I saw this lady almost strolling under her brolly towards shelter. How on earth do people stroll in such weather? I walked as quickly as I could, I just wanted to get onto a bus. Later, before I crossed the road, there were 3 ladies standing under their brollies in that terrifying weather with lightnings striking again and again, but they continued standing there waiting for their company bus to take them to work. Imagine how silly it'd feel for you to be praying and muttering about the weather while those middle-aged ladies stood there under the dark, dark chatting merrily. How do you do that with lightnings flashing every 20 seconds?!

Anyway I got on a bus safely, in one piece, unstruck. At the interchange, there's a route to the train station that's fully sheltered. However, it was under construction so the alternative route had to be taken and it wasn't sheltered. Audible sigh. I was about to take the drenched umbrella from the plastic bag I dumped it into when this lady next to me said it's alright, and offered to shelter me to the train station. Unembarrassed as I was lazy, I was more than happy to agree, thinking that perhaps it's about time to stop being discriminitive against Singaporeans. Some people are nice after all!

She later revealed that she was from my school. Ex-tkgian. Ah, I see now. So, we just started chatting. What was meant to be a shelter to the train station became company till the train station near my school. Apparently, she graduated about 6 years ago. Tall, tanned, confident looking, it's almost everything I've aspired to be. :p And she was brilliantly nice. She was going for a pilot interview this very morning. I wonder if I'd bump into her again. I'd love to find out if she did make it after all. I was in awe when she said she was going for a pilot interview. How many people in Singapore do you know are that young, and one step closer to soaring the skies literally? There was some sort of oddness when I alighted at my stop because it's weird to know someone, once a stranger, and not know if you'll ever see that person ever again. But I sure hope she got the chance to fly planes.

So yeah, I made friends with a stranger today.

===============================

One of the sweetest things I've ever gotten. I've been listening to this for a couple of nights now. It's such a pretty song to listen to alone in your room, in the dark, blasting it slightly. You just feel like snuggling up a little corner, cuddle your cushion and wish away... I don't wish for much. I only have one thing on my wishlist. :)

It's one more day to this.

It is so tough to start studying. So, so tough. I wanna sit around the computer, watch tv all day, listen to music, call up random people and say, "BOO!" then hang up. I wanna read my storybooks that have been lying on my shelf for ages without feeling bad for not studying for whatever's due soon. I wanna cycle to the interchange and buy a couple of stuff. It's tough to face my Chemistry books. Soon... in about 27hours time, I'll scream out for joy.

Till then... au revoir!

[Edit]
I take back what I say about the BOO! part. This ever innocent nut rang me up to say BOO! and hang up. Well not exactly BOO! but the gist is there. :p (OI YOU! I haven't seen you since you left for Edinburgh like agessssss ago. HELLO??????)
[/Edit]

Power Of Dreams

2005-11-15T10:27:00.000+08:00

People say you don't realise what you have till it's gone.

Sometimes your dreams at night can teach you that very lesson cos it feels real anyway. And when you know you're not enjoying that dream, there's something valuable to obtain from that 'ordeal'.

I guess in a way I'm glad I went back to bed and have the odd dream that I didn't like cos I woke up realising what I have. At least I don't have to really lose them before appreciating them. Whew.

Weather Sucks

2005-11-14T13:09:00.000+08:00

The skies have gone darker. The clouds have colonised the skies. Darkness overshadowing the clouds. Gloomy weather; about to pour anytime soon. Thanks, weather, for not even attempting to make me less gloomy.

4 days to the end of the o's. It's near yet far. It's like showing me a slice of mudpie, waving it in front of me but not allowing me to touch it. It's driving me insane. I don't feel like studying anymore but I have this voice booming at the back of my head and I know what I'm working my arse for. Pah.

Though yesterday was nice. I saw the sun set. I saw the nearly full moon. :p I saw the bright star amongst the other faintly glowing stars aplenty. I saw really cute dogs and cats. And the bus ride home seemed awfully short for the first time.

It'd better be cooler when it pours.

[Edit @ 5:15pm]
It didn't rain afterall. Merely threatened to. And I'm feeling better too. You know it's bad when your mood's parallel to the weather condition. The unpredictability of it all. :p
[/Edit]

Lizzie McGuire

2005-11-12T13:54:00.000+08:00

Heh.

You think you're going nowhere/When you're walking down the street/Acting like you just don't care/When life can be so sweet/Why'd you wanna be like that as if there's nothing new/You're not fooling no one/You're not even fooling you

Oh my goodness. I was watching Lizzie McGuire the movie on Disney channel earlier (I know, I was bored). And all of a sudden I found myself singing to the tunes on the show.

So walk a little slower and open up your eyes/Sometimes it's so hard to see the good things passing by/There may never be a sign, no flashing neon lights... (okay fine I can't remember what goes after this)

Why not (Why not) take a crazy chance/Why not (why not) do the crazy dance..

Two of my closest ever friends from sec 1 and 2, the three of us used to take turns to sing a line off that tune. As embarrassing as it is, especially since it's off a teen flick and horror of all horrors, it's by Hilary Duff, I found it so, so nostalgic! Those memories are just crazy I don't ever wanna forget them!

Have you ever seen such a beautiful night/I could almost kiss the stars for shining so bright/When I see you smiling I go oh, oh, oh/I don't ever want to miss this/Cos in my heart I know that this is/This is what dreams are made of...

I can't believe I'm doing all this without referring to a single lyrics site. It's been two years. I remember the time going to Audrey's place, and we went to her gym and it was so funny. And she showed off her limited knowledge of piano skills. And I borrowed her ever pirated Lizzie McGuire the Movie.

And every now and then, during recess or while walking about after playing badminton together, Audrey, Elise and I would be randomly picking a Hilary Duff song to sing and we would take turns to sing a line of it with invisible microphones shoved in each other's face. Oh my goodness, we were so retarded.

It was a perfect Friends Forever moment, except the three of us split up into three separate classes in sec 3 due to the different humanities subject chosen. Everyone thought it was so coincidental that we were split up into the first three classes, all 3 of us. Fate has it that none of us should be in the same class. Growl, fate.

But gosh that's so weird. Starting to think of what happened 2 years back when things were so innocent and we memorised Hilary Duff song lyrics! (You two, if you're reading this, you owe me a date after this week, I swear. We should start playing badminton again!) Well, it's not all about wasting an hour-ish on flipping channels on TV, is it? :)

Positivity

2005-11-11T20:14:00.000+08:00

Song: Joan Armatrading - The Weakness In Me

I'm in a fab mood. I'm all chatty and bouncy and chirpy. And crappy and retarded but it only comes when I'm happy. Here's what I've come to realise.

1) Soon, I'll be like, "O level exams? Never heard of."
The countdown shows... 6 more papers, 7 more days.
Technically it's... 3 more subjects, 4 more days of exams.
3 more subjects to mug for? I'm feeling a lot, a lot better.
We can finally refer to the finishing line as 'this coming friday'.

2) It's Friday. I have the entire weekends plus Monday! Always good, whether I'm supposed to mug or not. It means an opportunity to jog cos I'm feeling extremely fat, and to have naps because I've not been sleeping a lot these past nights. It also means Jay Leno at nights. That's just a bonus.

3) I've found myself in much lighter moods lately. Perhaps I've learnt to stop being clingy. Yup, does me good. Doesn't mean I don't like people anymore. I love them to bits. I just don't feel as upset with the absence of them anymore. I can stone alone and remain happy. Thank goodness!

4) I've realised that the things I've whined about are far more trivial than bad things happening to others. I've been reading a lot of blogs and articles and come to realise my predicament is always far less terrible, it's almost like I'm ashamed for allowing myself to wallow in self-pity at that moment. I'm so flipping fortunate, I just don't appreciate it.

Then again, I always say such stuff when I'm in a better mood. Once the whole moody routine comes crashing down again, my outlook is gonna have drastic changes. Well, they don't say savour the moment for nothing, do they? :)

5) I don't mind mugging for the remaining subjects to come. I don't dread studying those subjects and that's always a great first step! Woot! I've decided to stop groaning about the thought of possibly screwing up my English papers, etc. Because I won't know the results till next year anyway. Heh!

6) We just got Star Movies Ch58! Hop! Now you know where to find me after my papers - yup that's right. The return of the coach potato. Be afraid, be very afraid!

Weird Bus Encounter

2005-11-10T19:28:00.000+08:00

Today was crazy. Bio was alright. I seem to be the only one comparing its standard with the prelims paper. Which is no wonder why I'm saying it's alright. Doesn't say much though, since I screwed up the prelims paper so bad. But I'm hopeful!

On the bus back though, it was funny. I completed Bio paper 2 with a headache so I attempted to catch some sleep on the bus. Unfortunately at this particular stop, a whole bunch of people who look like they were just doing Hari Raya visiting boarded the bus.

Thing is, it was a double decker bus, so the first level had the 2 rows of benches facing each other, and this short bench perpendicular to them at the back. I was on one of the bench facing the other, while the short bench was to my left. So anyway, I was in the middle of the bench, so everyone filled up the seats on the short bench, on my left and right and the bench in front of me. (Yea, it's a big group.)

So I continued shutting my eyes attempting to block out the noise, blasting my ipod, trying not to get irritated or bothered by them. Then one of the dudes in front of me began snoring aloud. Sounded kinda like he was mocking me but you know, I won't jump to conclusions. lol

The next thing that happened was, he tried to reach out to the guy on my right, as in like whack his knees to get his attention cos he wasn't paying attention to what he was saying. Accidentally, however, he touched my knees instead and got super embarrassed. My eyes opened then, and he was like grinning the sheepish grin, apologetic. And I just smiled and said it's okay. (It wouldn't be if he didn't apologise but he did, twice.)

And then this dude on the short bench spoke to him something in malay then said to me, "Hey, can you give me your number?" and grinned.

How're ya doin? (Think Joey Tribbiani.)

I was like. *blink* Um, hello? I just gave him an absurd expression. He had his phone ready in his hands and repeated the question.

I'd give you mine if you gave me yours, baby.

I just laughed assuming they were kidding, and proceeded to just fiddle with stuff in my bag.

Then, while exasperated trying to talk to the guy in front of me because it was a little far, he came and sat on the empty space on my left and continued talking to him. Then, he looked at me, adjusted his shades like it was a cool move, then said, "Hi!" and smiled at me again. Er. I smiled. Then before he returned to his seat, he turned to me and smiled again. So, so odd.

Finally, they alighted the stop before mine. And before he left, he looked at me and grinned and then said, "Bye!" and waved.

Do people do this to girls in uniform a lot? I wouldn't know, it's the first time I witnessed something like that, let alone on me. I mean, wouldn't guys try that, joking or not, on girls who are NOT in school uniform? Like on cute tops, mini skirts perhaps, etc? lol

How absolutely retarded. But it was funny. And no, the italics weren't true. I'm just being my retarded blogging self.

Few Good (?) Men

2005-11-09T20:22:00.000+08:00

I was listening to the radio earlier, on Power98 they have this competition called Few Good Men. So basically they picked NS guys for this competition and the prize is to date Caroline Cheong (supposedly Singapore's sexiest woman).

So today's segment (I'm listening to this for the first time actually!) was that he's supposed to give 2 names of friends who are closest to him. He gave this girl's name. How did he know her? His BMT friend's girlfriend. Like okay. A bit odd, but no biggie.

Next, the DJ called up the girl and asked her about him. She said he's "fantastic", a "ladies' man", she can "go to him for anything at all". She said he can cook well and dance well.

Nope, no biggie yet.

DJ said there must be something embarrassing about him.

She said he talks a lot of rubbish. But he's "very special" to her.

DJ asks why he's so special to her.

She said because of her birthday surprise. He brought her to watch Disney On Ice and immediately defends herself, "it's just a present."

DJ says mmhmm but is unconvinced. Finally he says that dude's in the studios so asked her to leave a message for him.

She thanked him for being a great guy and then says, "I love you".

My eyebrow was like, raised up and up. And up, and up and up. I mean, I'm sure I'm not the only one since the DJ was like questioning the dude, "What's with this thing with your friend's girl eh?" And he was struggling for an answer so the DJ decided to save him by saying, "yeah I'll give you time to think of something good to explain yourself."

Did the programme just contradict itself? Few good men? Hmmm and on a matchmaking show! LOL! Yeah I'd so wanna date him if I were Caroline. Suspiciousssssss! Wonder how her boyfriend feels if he heard that. Oh wait, he must be on guard duty tonight or something. LOL I'm mean. Tralala.

But seriously if you reread the above, and imagine the DJ didn't ask about how they met each other (she says, "through my boyfriend") anyyyyyyyone would think otherwise... or still is thinking otherwise. And since my English paper is over, it doesn't hurt to say, WAH LAO EH!

LOL I should be studying Bio. Hi. :)

Sidenote: I know girls do say I love you to guy friends. I'm not that back-dated. It's just that if you heard it, it sounded like a girlfriend making dedication to her boyf. It's a different tone. I'm observant. Shut up. lol

Hypnotised

2005-11-09T13:33:00.000+08:00

Song: Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Give It Away

Hmm. The previous post made me sound pathetic.

Anyhow, I got my motivation back. Right now I just wanna study my arse off and get the stupid Ordinaries over and done with. Give the stupid Ordinaries a piece of my mind. Mwahaha.

English was... okay I think. I don't really like my essays, which is bad because I always end off loving what I wrote. Eek. As for the paper 2, the vocabulary was really screwed. I have to read up more, man.

Gonna go off to feast on some vegetarian noodles with more vegetables and tofu. I have NO idea why I bought that but let's pretend it sounds really delicious. Yuuuuuum. I think I was hynotised when I bought it. Hmm.

Can't wait for Bio to be over. It'd be a hugeeeeee load off me!

Mood Fluctuations AGAIN

2005-11-08T19:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I was panicky before SS cos I wasn't really prepared.
Then I was depressed cos of poor time management. Super dejected.
Then I was over the moon cos I had a brilliant day after that. Or evening.
And I kept grinning to myself till the time I went to bed. I was just so happy, I haven't been that happy for a long time.

And today, I was happy for a while... and then thoughts of things are making me miserable again. It's toooooo long, I'm telling ya. Too long. But of course it may seem like I'm out of my mind cos I'm not making sense and I'm not explaining myself. But it's gonna seem like forever.

But it's really just my thoughts. I mean, it's not that bad. But it just is, in my head.

Ugh sometimes I wish I had a backbone. Getting clingy is no good. I wish I could sing I'm A Survivor like I used to. I wish I wouldn't be easily affected by the slightest change in weather and stuff like I used to. I used to be okay in my own skin, by myself, in my own corner. In other words, a happy loner. :p But I can't be that anymore and worst of all... I don't want to.

Oh god. Please grant me a backbone. :p

Oh yeah. I've also lost my motivation to study. I forgot why I was motivated to study. I hope the reminder comes soon. And I hope I find the motivation soon. *cringe*

Thoughts Of A Hopeless Romantic

2005-11-06T20:04:00.000+08:00

The following is triggered while reading something a while ago.

Hopeless romantics always dream about having the most perfect date. The most magical one. Just by being brought to the beach, you know you're in for a lovely evening ahead. Never mind what food you guys have for the picnic. Never mind what music goes on in the background. Never mind the kids brought there by parents to enjoy an evening bathing in the sun.

Okay who am I kidding. Maybe the kids would matter. If everyone's in a light mood, maybe people would think: awww, the cute little kids remind me of the times when... But when things are dark, cloudy and hazy, people would more likely to be thinking: buzz of you bozo buffalo, who are you to spoil my day here eh? run back to mummy, you little punk!

And then you share a little quiet time with each other in a little tent, feeding each other some fries, laughing at the little things but can't help it since everything is so merry. Then you take a little stroll around the beach, playing with the things at the playground that you have not touched since you were 6, and what not. Walking hand in hand, grinning at every thought and every statement each other makes, enjoying the little breeze, fiddling about in the sand. And you get told again and again how special and precious you are, while you melt inside unknowingly. You feel like you're floating. With glee. And wonder about how such blessing could come your way. Had you deserved it? Maybe it was too good to be true?

You then sit down on rocks, leaning on each other, still having a joyous conversation going on while feeling very much appreciated. Never mind the texture of the rocks that may ache your ass. (Whoops, what a way to ruin a lovely sweet romantic thought.) You still would rather spend the entire night there just sitting, even if it means difficulty in walking the next day. You rather not move an inch. Just glad you're there with someone special means the entire world to you. And then the sun begins setting, and you see pretty colours sprawled all over the sky, beyond the horizon. It's like the sun was happy for you and decided it was enough of looking over you. The stars would soon take over that job.

Sweet nothings would be whispered gently into your ears as the eyes of the special person are lost in yours. An arm around you ensures that you'll be protected for the night. And you just dive straight into the person's arms and wonder why time seems to be passing so quickly. A long and big hug that you wish doesn't end. The warmth and smell of the person lingers on and you love it.

Finally, when you hear the trees rustling, and birds chirping the good night greetings and the stars hovering above, you pack things up, and stroll off still hand in hand, reluctant as hell to let go.

Well, I thought that's a great image of a perfect date. :) Pretty thought. I am quite a hopeless romantic I realised. Don't need expensive food or an expensive restaurant to please me. Just pretty sights, pretty thoughts, pretty words and a lovely hug can do me a superb day.

Oh yeah what am I doing on the eve of an E-math and SS paper? Hmm.
I'm just gearing myself up to write English essays on Wednesday. :)

Deprived Of Vacations

2005-11-05T17:42:00.000+08:00

I've been reading more and more travel ads. Heck, I'm deprived to the extent I'm hoping someone holds a chalet. Class chalet? Anyone at all?

Or how about setting up a tent at East Coast Park or something? I mean, it's not a bad idea to wake up to watch the sunrise... and then head to Mac for breakfast or something. The lazy way out for a camper. I think this is a good idea!

Or like Bintan. I'd love to visit the pretty beach again. I want to jetski so bad. And play golf, ha ha ha! I mean, waste money on attempts at golf.

Or like a little teeny weeny Malaysia trip. A night over at KL or something? Heck, I really don't mind. It's the thrill of not staying at home. I love my bedroom, don't get me wrong. But... :(

Or Thailand! Or Perth! Sydney! NZ! San Fran! Paris! Or... HK's Disneyland! I mean, if it's Disneyland, why would it matter, whichever country it is in? :p And I wanna go for farmstays! :p

Or of course, Finland. So I can visit Santa. *cough* Don't call me naive for believing in him, you idiots. *cough*

Yeah 13 more days. Not really a day with productive studying yet.

PS: If you're going anywhere for a vacation, don't tell me about it or risk being strangled, eyes gouged at, arms twisted, bones fractured, etc. ;-)

Quick, I Need An Exorcist!

2005-11-04T19:43:00.000+08:00

My brother got possessed I think.

he: Oh my god, girlfriend! Like totally!
i: *amused*
he: Oh my god look at those nails, they're so pretty, girlfriend!
i: i know, girlfriend!
he: Like oh wow, that prada bag looks really good on you!
i: i know, doesn't it? *slight giggle*
he: Yeah that prada bag from pasar malam, girlfriend!
i: it's totally real, don't do that when you're jealous, girl.
he: *does the hand thing* i got the oomph, girlfriend.
i: *very amused and bursts out laughing*
he: talk to the hand! *leaves hand in my face*

oh my god I'm cursed to have blonde guys around me. Like guys-cum-blondes.

I wish...

2005-11-04T09:39:00.000+08:00

I wasn't the only one feeling this way.
I got comforted in return.
It wasn't all about feeling bad.
I have special powers to make things go away and others come back.
Like the past.

Okay I'm done ranting.

PS: I'm feeling dizzy, like the world's spinning. Never figured why till I went to the bathroom. And then I remembered. Bloody period. I'm such an idiot sometimes.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!

2005-11-03T20:26:00.000+08:00

Foreword:
Try to look beyond the neatly stacked Gardenia bread behind the main object.

This is what my cousin and I are planning to walk down the streets with on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day..

Oh yeah and I bought the brown pullover with a hood today. *beam* Now I'll just have to struggle through 2 weeks and a day left. Audible sigh!

Celebrities I'd Like To Date + Love & Hate

2005-11-02T19:16:00.000+08:00

I was talking to Esther earlier, and we began our whole list of celebrity crushes. Maaaaan, there are a lot of celebrities I would so date. lol

Ben Adams
Okay I adored him long enough for him to make it to this list.
Bosson
I totally admired the way he treated his fans ;-) Great charisma, so I thought. Heck of a lovely person. Looks cute occasionally. Lol Let's not go into the embarrassing period I was nuts about him.
Jimmy Fallon
For the sake of it, I think I would die of laughter. And he IS cute. In the oddest ways. LOL
Ashton Kutcher
We all know this. :) He is C.U.T.E. haha
Colin Farrell
I can spend the entire evening ogling at him, really.
Damien Fahey
Top of the list perhaps. My absolute favourite VJ! :D Followed by Utt of course, but I doubt I wanna date Utt. Damien, whoosh!
John Jonsson
Hahaha. Okay sometimes he looks cute sometimes he doesn't. Still!

Heh. I thought it was fun to think of that. lol Other lists - thoughts of today...

I hate...

being moody, which I currently am.
irregular period, which I currently am having, hence the previous point.
kids playing card games in the freaking library. WHY on earth would people play cards in the library, can anyone enlighten me? They looked like primary school kids.
waiting for 18th Nov to come.
being stuck in this island.
missing people. Getting pissy. They're a whirlwind of emotions, really.
my cousin's computer for being down.
being disappointed or disappointing people.
not being acknowledged.
being alone, lost or even confused in my own thoughts.
phlegm being stuck in my throat for eons. It's like totally blocking the passageway.
my brother sometimes. He was getting on my nerves earlier.
my sweaty feet (like my palms being sweaty isn't enough!) and my legs slip off my slippers and I walk like a freaking tortoise. No wonder I get blisters all the time. That's it, gonna wear shoes from now on.

I love...

the brown sweater I saw earlier that is so gorgeous and it has a hood. It's not oversized but I'm so gonna get it tomorrow.
sipping hot coffee when I'm feeling cold, stoning away, or being deep in my own thoughts, with nothing bothering me.
being reassured.
the thought of a break coming right up. I could really do with one. I can't stand feeling all that I've been feeling lately.
my cousin cos I always feel happier when I talk to her on a bad day. And she never fails to perk me up, regardless of what I'm feeling or what I'm going through. And her instincts are amazing, she can totally tell what I'm feeling. Who said girls with complexed minds are bad? :)
learning to pluck songs on the guitar. I just learnt another song yesterday which is so cool, I hope I manage to flaunt it to a few people before I forget how to. lol

Oh yeah and I hate studying for exams. Period. Too much hate + Too little love = Moody. Eew. I'm in such need of hugs lately I'm beginning to despise myself. Eew.

Happy belated Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya in advance!

Christmas Tour

2005-11-01T11:14:00.000+08:00

While I was flipping through Classifieds today, searching for possible temp jobs for the post-o's period, and looking through all the usual tour/holiday thingies, I found this.

Okay it's blur, I know. It says,
8/10D Santa Claus(e?)
Highlights: Reindeer Farm / Arctic Circle Crossing / Lapp Lunch / Itakeskus Shopping Centre / Turku Castle / Christmas Market / Post House

That's under Europe. SO WE KNOW!! Santa Claus doesn't live in the North Pole! He lives in Europe! Gah, I should've known. Damn it, the Christmas Market and Reindeer Farm sounds really inviting *sigh* And I wanna see Santa. :(

Can't wait to go Christmas shopping :p Then start getting gifts for everyone, and FINALLY meeting all the people I haven't met in ages. Yay! Tis the season for giving!

Oh yeah I forgot there's O's to get through first. UGH. I am so random sometimes.

Halloween

2005-10-31T21:51:00.000+08:00

Lalalalalalalala...

It's amazing what a single scoop of Mudpie Chocolate Ice Cream from swensens does to you. (People who love bitter chocolate have to try it.)

It... causes more phlegm to be stuck in my throat, hooray!

I KNEW I would regret it later. I KNEW IT. Never mind, as I was told by a ~~bad~~ ~~good~~ greatestest influence, at least I enjoyed the moment. :P

Lalalalalalalalala...

Today, I messaged my beloved coussie when I was outta school...

I: TRICK OR TREAT? :P HAPPY HALLOWEEN MY DARLING! MWAH HA HAHA HAHA HA!
She: Oh and who do we have here? I guess you're playing an angel this year? Real good disguise! :D -closes door without giving candy-

sigh my cousin is such an ass sometimes. but heck, she cracks me up. yay love you babe! :D

Chinese? nope, not important. hahahahaha but it was so funny when we were panicking the last few minutes before each paper. and I kept reminding myself that it might be the last Chinese paper I'm taking, and then a spurt of excitement just speeds through me, it's so cool. :P

I had a lovely day :)

Random

2005-10-30T11:48:00.000+08:00

My blog is worth $4,516.32.
How much is your blog worth?

Haha haha haha. Imagine if I could sell it..

i like the way you make me laugh
i like the way you make me smile
i like the way you do them all
without having to take a while

i kind of liked the way i get cold
because i know you'd rub me warm
you may think it's as silly as it sounds
but my heart was ticking like a bomb

i don't like the way we're supposed to part
i don't like the way it's seemingly late
to add to that we live miles apart
but im glad we had a hug to seal our fate

*wistful sigh* it's a good poem, isn't it? hahaha

I wish people don't change. I hate changes.

The Battle

2005-10-29T21:20:00.000+08:00

This should be read aloud...
I: Ooh my leg muscles are aching from yesterday's jogging.
Bro: Good.
I: I love it when my muscles ache.
Bro: Then you should be an egg.
What a retard.

Yay, everybody. Let's cheer. I fell ill 3 days before the first written evil O's paper. Pharyngitis (I think, if I caught what the docs said accurately) targeted me, struck me, and intends to devour me within the next hour. Since I have an hour left, I'd love to thank everybody for their continuous support and encouragement and love. And hugs. And support... and encouragement...

Just in case you were preparing to start a celebration for the death of me, I'm sorry to disappoint ya, I'm gonna whack that devil and kill him before it kills me. No, I'm not being sexist. I'm sure it's a male. Females aren't as stubborn. HAHAHAHAHA. Did I say I'm not sexist? LOL

I'm kidding.

Okay everything here is a joke except the part I mentioned I'm ill and is down with pharyngitis. I told the docs I'm having a bad throat and upon checking, he said it's not a bad throat, it's a very bad throat. I woke up this morning realising I've lost my voice. Thankfully more sleep and a lovely dream made my soul find my voice back and shove it back into my body. It's quite reluctant to share territory with that evil dude, the virus, so it comes and leaves, really.

I've been coughing my guts out. I think there's phlegm stuck somewhere but the coughing has sapped my energy so I have almost none left to try to get it OUT.

Oh yeah my nose is running along with it. And I have hmm 2 days to the written paper.

I'm so sorry to those who're gonna be in the same venue on Monday cos you're gonna be so distracted with my coughing and clearing of throat. Bless you guys, be prepared yeah? lol

The other option is of course to slit my throat and then you can continue preparing for that party for the death of me. :)

Yet Another Incoherent Post

2005-10-28T12:50:00.000+08:00

song: Gavin DeGraw - Meaning

I can hardly get to sleep
Wish for the hour that
The night time soon shall pass
And the morning dew will bring us
To a day our souls can last

[Begin incoherency]
I wish it was easy.
And I wish things would go away.
But when they're here to stay...
it isn't easy.
It isn't.
I wish I made it look easy
so the blame won't be on anyone.
But it isn't easy.
Though I wish it is.

I wish I was less sensitive.
I wish I was less paranoid.
Many things I've wished for
that don't necessarily come true.
But I really only need one to come true.
I wish I never noticed.
No, scratch that. I'm lying.
[End incoherency]

I'm psycho. And I need a hug. That's all. :)

I think I should go blast some techno songs and piss myself off. LOL

Countdowns

2005-10-27T19:19:00.000+08:00

Let's see. Countdown update.
4 days to the beginning of the written papers.
22 days to the last paper.
29 days to prom.
59 days to Christmas!
(which means...)
69 days to 2006!
Haha I'm psycho I know.

Budak Pantai Christmas gig at Esplanade! I wanna go! Maybe I will. Think I'm gonna go around convincing some people. hehe (Yes, they're a local A Cappella group.)

Today's Physics practical was... *ponder* let's just say I was really sleepy - for sleeping at 10ish. Doubt I'd succumb to sleepiness next time and stay up longer so I won't die out in the morning. Went to the airport to study with Seige earlier, and finally!! I've found a good place to study there!! :D Woot! Then went about shopping for stuff to fill my stomach for breakfast (what's plural for breakfast? breakfasts? breakfastes? breakfasae? Hmm..) that's healthy. Haha. It's been so long since I hung out with her and today just proves that our connection never dies. So flippin hilarious today. :p

I really don't wanna think about how much studying I have left.

Couple Drama Witnessed

2005-10-26T19:25:00.000+08:00

Song: TLC - Unpretty

You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up that mac can make
But if you can't look inside youFind out who am i, too
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty

I'm tired of being self-conscious; worrying about the way I look and trying to impress. I think I'm gonna get myself an oversized sweater with a hood, not bother about deodorants or shaving or good or bad hair days, slip into a comfortable pair of pants, put on my beloved pair of sports shoes, don't care about lip glosses and walk about like anywhere's my territory. When you're least conscious of the way you look, you're most comfortable in your own skin. Even if it means being a total turn off. :P

Oh yeah and I was reading my written diary the other day all the way back from the beginning of the year to date. Quite interesting to read how some people and I have changed. Or many whom you wonder have contradicted themselves... and you wonder if they're still the same. I hope they are. Or maybe I just wish so. Never mind the incoherent part of the entry.

Anyway, I witnessed this couple quarrel today. And the girl walked out on the guy. It was quite scary actually, witnessing a drama live. The girl tugged onto the guy vying for his attention while he stared nonchalantly through the glass casing of a comic store. She pouted and what not, trying to talk to him but he didn't bother. So finally she got tired of it, she walked towards the railings and watched the escalators move up and down.

Then, the guy, being typically like a guy, began walking towards her and hugged her from behind trying to pacify her. Yeah like pacifying works, really. I'm here to say it doesn't. :p Girls can tell when you're trying to pacify or being sincere. When it's the former, it's the wrong note to hit. Not one that would resolve matters anyway!

So the girl violently withdrew, elbowed him off her and continued watching the escalators, throwing a temper like any moody girl does. Typical of both genders, really. :p Then he tried to pacify her, again. (Why don't people learn?) She totally pushed him off her and turned her back on him. She then spoke in malay, which I supposed was somewhere along the lines of asking him to back off.

Finally, the dude walked like a metre away, paused and then started asking her something. She stomped her foot (I swear!) and told him to shut up. The guy went on saying something and finally she decided that was enough, she walked past him, headed for the escalators, went down. When she was on the level below, she looked at him and he ignorantly stuck his tongue out at her and made a noise. She was furious. He was immature. Lol

So finally, she went down another level and walked off. The dude looked down as though waiting for an expected return of her like he's some big shot and that the girl would come running back to him soon after. Tough luck, big guy. After five minutes of waiting and realising she wasn't coming back, he went down and looked for her. He was so annoying with that stupid smug look on his face. Way to go, girl! :p I know I'm being biased since I don't know what exactly happened but oh well! Haha!

Oh yeah, I like Goal! :) Quite a lovely day today except I was really tired. Oh well. Physics practicals tomorrow!

PS: I figured that the next person who appears before me and asks me to do a survey, instead of smiling I'm just gonna say, 'No. I'm 16.' It's been that way so far. They force me to stop and do the survey and then realise I'm still in a secondary school, with that disbelief because I look older than I am, and finally they let me go. So, in future...

Surveyor: Hi can you help us to do a survey?
I: No. I'm 16.
Surveyor: Oh.

Ooh, that's a problem solved!

Duck War

2005-10-26T09:04:00.000+08:00

I am ashamed to say that...

After 16 years and 4 days of my life...

I've just found out that Donald Duck (left)...

...is not Daffy Duck (right).

Shit this is so embarrassing.

To save my face a little, here's some wacko news! Some country (I think it was Finland) banned Donald Duck because he/it isn't wearing pants. HOLY $!@#

Still so darn embarrassing. Burying my head underground second time in a row. Don't even ask me about Lisa Simpson.

Local Bands

2005-10-25T17:03:00.000+08:00

At first, I thought there is no such thing as the existence of good local music.

And then there was Electrico and Rafe. I was astonished. Appalled, perhaps. Surprised. Impressed. Rafe is, by the way, the winner of PowerJam 2004. I thought woooooohhhhh there IS hope! And then I recently chanced upon a site specially made to support local bands and saw the pictures of PowerJam 2004.

Well.

Let's just say all of them look really typically Singaporean. It kills the spirit a little. It's like you were so impressed and then you realise... they are not quite far from what you imagined initially. Okay I'm being mean and shallow.

Nevermind, to prove that I'm not shallow, Rafe's album is coming out on the 26th Oct! After getting Ryan Cabrera's (SOON!) I shall get Rafe's. *hop!*

Followed by Electrico if possible. Just sampled their stuff on their official site. They sound good! I liiike! Oh yeah and they're the best looking local band around, I figured. Not gorgeous or really cute but the ones who can pull off the look the best. :) There is hope for us! :p

That aside, I absolutely love my cousin. I totally adore her that if I were a guy I'd probably attempt to woo her. Oh heck that, I'm already lesbian since I'm in love with her. Haha, no but seriously, she knew I was down during the weekends, so she got me...

...as a surprise! :D through a string from her window to mine! Whee! :) I love her!

Granny yawn again

2005-10-24T13:48:00.000+08:00

Song: Disney - Joy To The World

Ah, I bought the Disney: A Magical Christmas like when I was primary one or something. It's so godly adorable, it has the various Disney characters like Mickey Mouse, Daffy Duck (his voice is SO obvious), etc, and kids to sing the Christmas tunes. So adorable!

Yesterday while I was drying the wet dishes in the kitchen, my brother was putting them back into the cabinet.
Bro: Eee, it's still wet.
I: The towel's wet lah.
Bro: Want me to smack you?
I: I'll smack you twice.
Bro: Use your t-shirt to dry it.
I: Hello?
Bro: It's called professionalism.

Anyway, my granny is currently going on about my mum - how she doesn't care when her children's examinations are around the corner, she still switches on the TV volume to pretty loud, and laughs at her programmes so loudly, and sleeps in the afternoon not caring about her kids.

Oh my god. I have nothing to say.

Who am I kidding, really? The irony. She's complaining about my mum for disturbing us when we're studying. I really was studying and she's going on and on about my mum. Hmm I wonder what pot calling the kettle black is in Teochew.

And if she's going nuts because you accused her of not ironing my brother's clothes when she did (and she was delighted when my brother argued with my granny this morning because he knew she did iron it. And oh yeah their argument woke me up this morning.) and she needs sleeping pills because you put her under that load of stress - stress of not pleasing the mother-in-law, stress of not finishing the household chores, stress of being bitched about when something goes wrong (and is often unaware of what she's being bitched about), I don't really see why she cannot take naps in the afternoon.

And I don't see why her line-dancing friends should be accused of leading her astray. Because they earned her a life, apart from being cooped up at home, facing four walls, a broom, a moping stick, sewing machine, the wok, etc and most importantly, her face. It's almost very crucial to have a life apart from all that or I would have a mum living her life in an asylum.

Then, she goes on about how my aunt (mum's sis) used to make my mum this way because she drilled in the concept of my granny practising favouritism on my brother, and being biased towards me. Face it, at least for a while you were. And my aunt's pretty much innocent now, so leave her alone, really. Why rake up the past, eh?

Oh yeah and my granny mentioned something about guys at her line-dancing class. She asked me, a few weeks back, if there are guys at the line-dancing class. Haha. Haha. Hahahahaha. And you would think she'd be asking me if I was hanging out with boys, if they're good company and all or not. Noooo, she asks me about my mum. That's quite hilarious, you think? :p I've seen her classes before, the dudes there dance with their wives, which is why for the longest time she did try to convince my dad to join the classes with her. But knowing my dad, he'd rather die than do such a thing. Haha.

And besides, my mum hasn't had a social circle in ages until line-dancing came along. Suddenly when she goes out with 'friends' to have meals or attend birthday gatherings, there's always that suspicion my granny has. It's quite weird. Like why can't my mum have such gatherings when my brother goes to them all the time?

Whee, I'm biased.

I really wanted to stop there but she just started again. So I shall continue too! She's saying something about my mum not being very friendly with the relatives (on dad's side). Well, for one, they aren't very lovely, smiley, 'hi, how're ya?' sort of people. My mum's side is though I'm far from being close to them. For two, you bitch about her to them all the time, you're expecting her to be friendly to people who're not on her side already without justification? For three, you bitch about the relatives on her side, why should she be delighted and gladly socialising with the relatives on your side?

I wish Seige's computer wasn't down cos she would be able to understand all these. :p

Much Better

2005-10-23T19:46:00.000+08:00

Scratch the previous post. I'm feeling a lot better :)

Only complaint of the day: My granny thinks I've been sleeping a lot. WELL, ma'am, I went to bed later than you, woke up earlier than you, and I did work. Do I not have the right to sleep for like half an hour in the afternoon? My eyes are tired, my nose was blocked, I had a little headache.

I went to bed at like near 1, after watching the Wedding Planner. Woke up at 530 as mentioned (she wakes up at 7ish 8!) past few days been waking up at 6. SO, why can't I have naps, huh, huh, huh? And she thinks I should sleep earlier and not take naps in the afternoon. Like what is the difference, really? Besides, I study better when people are asleep. That meaning super early in the morning or super late at night. So I might as well rest during midday. Ugh.

Oh yeah the point of the post, I'm feeling better, yay. :)

Bad Night Brings Bad Morning

2005-10-23T08:57:00.000+08:00

Warning: This isn't gonna be one of those cheery posts. Neither is it gonna make a lot of sense. It's just one of those days...

It's a gloomy Sunday, it really is. The sky's overcrowded with clouds turning grey. The air is cool, like it's gonna pour in a second. It's quiet. My parents are up. My granny's at the market. My brother's asleep. There's no one online. And I haven't exactly spoken to anyone since yesterday. Except my brother, perhaps, when he drowned me with more lame stuff and made me laugh my ass off.

Okay so maybe my ass is still intact.

Anyway, I had a bad dream last night. It was kind of a nightmare. It wasn't scary in the sense that my heart would skip a beat and all, and I'd suddenly jump out of bed, breaking into cold sweat and all. It's just scary at the thought of it? And it isn't the first time I've dreamt of something along those lines. Except now it is slightly more... real. I woke up really scared. Yet knowing there's nobody to tell because it's in the wee hours. Only people I know are awake... well, I don't think I should bug her/him/them.

Yeah so I woke up at 5.30am on a Sunday. I tried to get back to sleep but I didn't like the idea of possibly dreaming of that again. So after lazing around a bit, I got out of bed and wandered around the house, making breakfast while my mum was just about to get up. Then I just brought breakfast to my room and found myself wondering what I'm doing for most bits. I was a bit... lost. I don't think I've felt this lost in a long, long time.

Oh well, it's just one of those days you wish is over in a jiffy so a brand new day could begin. Yet it feels like time is crawling. It's been so long and it's only 9am. Kinda wished I had somewhere to go. Feel like yelling at my brother to get up so I can have some comic relief. :p

Maybe I should.

That being said, I absolutely love Alanis Morissette's Hand In My Pocket.

I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone

I'm hard but I'm friendly
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit

Primary School Business

2005-10-22T15:02:00.000+08:00

Song: O-Town - Love Should Be A Crime

Some people are so sweet. Lol. In the weirdest ways anyway. I was talking to this friend of mine who was classmates with me in Primary 1 and 2. He lives the block next to mine and we used to take the school bus together, it's quite hilarious. My school is about 15 to 20 minutes walk away, but because we were young then, our parents got us to take the school bus.

So anyway, I'm not in a very cheery mood. And all of a sudden, he started speaking to me again. So he began trying to cheer me up. He wanted me to write him a Friendster testimonial and I refused. :p So anyway we were talking about our testimonials from the school at the end of the year... and he was slightly worried about it.

[A: him, I: me]
A: im a regular customer in the detention room
A: reason: being late to school
I: bout time to wake up earlier to go to school, ya think?
A: naw its all the computer's fault
I: computer?
A: ya it seduces me to play
I: HAHA
I: that's a good one
I: well done for amusing me!
A: i think ur getting better i suppose
A: i dont expect any testimono
A: just u being well
I: are you doing reverse psychology on me?
I: lol
A: actually no
A: lol
I: awww that's sweet.
A: lol thats for letting me copy your chinese test when primary 1 lol

I swear I'm not calculative. :p And it's fascinating to realise people have copied Chinese from me in Primary School in order to pass. I think if they continued doing that now, they would've ended up failing it. Then again, who the heck remembers what happens in Primary 1? I certainly don't.

More Rubbish

2005-10-21T20:53:00.000+08:00

Song: Papa Roach - Blood (Empty Promises)

Rubbish conversation with bro, #4.
(While watching a Chinese drama (Tong Xin Yuan. LOL) on TV...)
I: Oh! I know who he is! He's after the girl from China!
He: What girl from China?
I: That Chinese girl lah.
He: What Chinese girl?
I: Hello? Aren't you a big fan of this show?
He: Of course I am!
I: Then?!
He: I am. I am. I'm a big fan!
I: You're a bigger fan of it than I am, so why don't you know the Chinese girl.
He: What Chinese girl?
I: Oi! I'm not as big a fan you know.
He: Aiya, I'll trade you for an electronic fan.

(Later in the show, this girl cuts her finger. This other lady asks the dude who checked in on her if it's a deep cut.)
He: It's not a deep cut if it's not the first.
I: Huh?
He: Because the first cut is the deepest.
I: (exasperated) Oh my god.
He: What? Sheryl say one!

(The lady proceeds to mention something about Antenatal Syndrome, about natal blues.)
He: Is it Ray Charles - blues?
I: Dude.
He: Or is it red, blue, blues?

I'm seriously worried about my brother. Think I should bring him for counselling one of these days. Recommendations, people, keep them pouring in, please. Nonetheless at least he's my comic relief. Anytime any day, his degree of lameness is so overpowering, I find it so amusing yet worrying at the same time. :p But there's no doubt I'm glad he's home. When he's away from home (he stays in a hostel in the university), the only good thing is I have peace, and I can hog the computer all I want. Apart from that, at least I have a walking joke book. On occasions I feel like the elder sibling. :p

That aside, Zheya, Sharon and I had a very interesting conversation yesterday. I would've copied some bits here but while I re-read it again, I realized we might get sued - for criticizing the principal (who knows!), MOE and the scholarship for being a President's Scholar. We flooded the screen with umpteen 'shit' upon realizing where our beloved, most ~~well-liked~~ well-loved principal is gonna be come next year. In less than 5 minutes, though, we began this whole optimistic outlook thingy and everyone began chanting 'we will survive!' How very interesting! :p But I love those 2 people. They make me feel loved! Awww :p

Anyway I think I have an emotional problem. I can't feel pissed without a reason. If I'm pissed without a valid reason (or at least it's not viewed as valid to me), I would then get pissed off with myself. Oh the brilliance of it all. *pats self on the back* What a smartie you are. So basically, I get upset, and then I think it's stupid, so I get upset with myself. Whoa! Ingenius! I'm just being retarded, don't mind me. :)

I have lots more to say but I can't be bothered today. I'm tired! (And Zheya says my entries are all so long! :p)

Creepy Neighbour

2005-10-20T11:56:00.000+08:00

Song: Gavin DeGraw - Just Friends

Rubbish conversation with bro, #3
He: Is it gonna rain?
I: Yup
He: Is it gonna rain from now on?I: Yea
He: How am I gonna get a tan?
I: How am I gonna get a tan.
He: Add 9 to 1 and you'll get ten.

I think the conversations we have is enough for me to write a Book of Lameness, and it'd be just filled with everything he says. I wonder if there'll actually be people reading it though.

Anyway, there's this creepy neighbour living in the same block as I am. Not on the same level but we share the lift on my level. (The lift we have doesn't stop at every level.) He's an old man, about 70ish years of age. He has a mixture of grey and white hair on his head. And, he always walks about in this pyjamas set (normally white in colour with faint stripes). And he's always cheery.

Okay he's not psychotic. I know the picture I'm painting of him sounds a bit like he's got a screw loose somewhere, and is this eerie stalker around the neighbourhood. No, he isn't. He's nice. He's just… odd, to me.

There was this once when my brother and I were out, and we just came back. When we were downstairs, walking towards the lift, he saw us. Upon recognising my brother, he began waving enthusiastically with this megawatt smile on his face, saying hi to my brother. My bro just said hi back, and then we continued walking.
I: Who's he?
He: I don't know.
I: Huh?
He: I don't know him but he always says hi to me.
I: Err... he looked extremely happy to see you.

Okay, so friendly neighbour tactics. :p Just yesterday, when I was coming home, he was waiting for the lift as well. When he saw me, he flaunted this wide smile. I just smiled back, wondering if he does actually know me. But you know, there's difference in smiles when you're smiling to someone you know, and when you're smiling cos you're just trying to be courteous. And that was definitely the former. So it was slightly weird.

And to further prove my point that he's a nice guy, when we reached my level, I was waiting for him to walk out of the lift before I did. However, to my astonishment (lol this is mean. Why should I be astonished?), he stretched his arm and invited me out of the lift first before he walked out of it.

A Chinese 70ish old man, mind you. I don't see that happening around in Singapore much now. Nice guy eh?

I think my granny talks to him occasionally. I remember vaguely, my granny telling me they met at market and he offered to help her carry all her groceries back, and he did. He just tries to spend his time away for the lack of activities he can do but at least he does it gentlemanly. And healthily cos he walks to the market like a million times a day.

A very nice guy. Just a bit creepy cos I still don't know who he is.

And no, sparks will not fly between him and my granny. I bet you were thinking of that.

Prom, Movie, Old Retard

2005-10-19T20:03:00.000+08:00

Song: Rooster - Deep And Meaningless

Wow, this is pretty cool. Currently testing out the new Blogger feature on Microsoft Word. Now it looks as though I've an essay to type out but I'm, in actual fact, blogging! Ha! What a lovely cover. :p

Had Literature lesson in the morning, which was so extremely short. And, during most parts of it, we were talking about unrelated issues like prom, JCs, etc. :p The prom bit was really hyping everybody up, I'm so excited. Even though it's an all-girls prom, and we're basically flaunting what we have to one another. But despite it all, I guess we don't really mind the all-girls environment. After all, 4 years of it does say a lot.

And the other day when I was at TJC open house, it felt sort of weird that we'd be seeing guys in our classes and all. Actually, that day, I met a Primary schoolmate there. He shouted my name before I actually took notice of his presence. (lol oops.) And it's so odd cos I hardly hear guys shouting my name. To have them back as schoolmates or classmates is just plain odd. I wonder how next year's going to be like; after all it's going to be the same no matter where I end up next year. So odd.

And for your info, that doesn't mean I don't have guy friends. :p It's a different matter altogether. And it's going to be pretty weird adjusting to having to watch the way we sit. All these years in TKGS hasn't done us very good in terms of etiquette. Lol.

On a different note, caught Into The Blue with Helmi today. (Shush, I know I'm not really supposed to be out and about at this point of time… one day won't hurt! :p) I kind of liked the twists in the storyline though. At least it's not all that predictable though the ending wasn't very… fantastic. And the gory bits in the movie were grossing me out. Yet, at the end of the show, we saw little kids walking out of the movie. Hmmm. Nonetheless I quite liked it. No doubt there seemed like an over exaggeration on Jessica Alba's bod, the way she swam in the ocean and all that bikini action. Yeah okay I get it that all girls are jealous of that bod. The director didn't have to make it any worse for us, really, did he? Ugh. Well okay at least the guys could let their eyes have a feast with all the Jessica Alba action. And I can't help to think Ashley Scott resembles Cameron Diaz a whole darn lot.

And I just found out Oliver Twist is coming out on the 10th of November! Definitely must catch that after the big O's. :p I do like Oliver Twist, so sue me.

Oh yeah speaking of guys, I was on the train to school yesterday (and today cos I wasn't exactly early) and this dude took the seat on my left. To his left was another guy. So anyway, he sat down. Then he started shifting. To me, mind you. Every second, an inch closer. I was clearly squashed as the dude on my right was reading the papers, so you know, he had to stretch out his arms to read them. And as I glanced over, there was damned space between the 2 dudes. But no, he kept moving towards me. He was practically almost leaning against me. So I kept shifting towards the guy reading papers. The guy on the left wanted to sleep I think, so he stopped shifting after positioning himself nicely on my side, and then leaned his head on the back.

For a moment I felt like his head was gonna tilt towards my direction. I was kind of touchy, and annoyed with the shifting. I was squashed, okay?

So, I got up, went to him, shouted at him, ''Dude, you're not fat, so don't squash me. Get your ass over to the other side damn it. I'm flattered you think I don't need that much space but I do. And if you're deliberately doing it, dude, you don't hit on someone in school uniform seemingly half your age, you old retard. Go away. ''

Of course it was just my imagination but it's quite a nice thought. Wonder what would've happened if I said all that, eh? Perhaps the principal would get a 'complaint letter from the public' the next day. And we would all find out about it the next time we attend morning assembly. :p

But I did get up - before my stop. Cos I was annoyed. And I made sure he knew I got up not because I was about to alight. So I stood up and made a face, before waiting for my stop. He then shifted over to my seat and then seemingly shifted towards the dude reading the papers. Perhaps he has a thing for guys too. :p

Of course I'm just being biased since he annoyed me, that's all. :)

Blood Pressure

2005-10-17T18:22:00.000+08:00

My dad was taking his blood pressure earlier on and I insisted on having mine taken as well, so he allowed me to. Here are the results:

Systolic Pressure: 98mmHg
Disastolic Pressure: 66mmHg
Pulse/min: 59

Compare it to the average:
Systolic Pr: below 120mmHg
Diastolic Pr: below 80mmHg
Pulse/min: About 72

Yes, I know my pressure's perfectly healthy. But...

I think my heart died or something. (This is so un-bio-student-like.) Why is my pulse so low? It's like comparable to some old and sickly person who spends his/her days watching tv/sleeping, with nothing much to do in life.

Or, I could be wrong. Still. 59 / min is waaaay too freaky.

Rubbish Conversation With Bro, #2143313

2005-10-16T12:39:00.000+08:00

Bro: I wanna go Bali.
I: But now Bali has all that (diasters and the recovery from them)...
Bro: I wanna go help out.
I: Oh. [Quite amazed] Aww.
Bro: And then while I'm there I'll learn to surf.
I: Hello?
Bro: [Pretends to be making a speech] We should not let the terrorists stop us. If we do, they're succeeding. So, we must lead our lives as per normal.
I: Right.
Bro: You see? So I wanna go Bali...
I: Right.
Bro: To help out.
I: And learn to surf.

Sometimes I wonder if he's considered super duper smart. Or just plain psychotic.

You Are A: Duck!

Found in many lakes and ponds, ducks are a common site the world over. Known for their famous quack, ducks tend to congregate in flocks or go off on their own in pairs. As a duck, you may seem friendly at times but will not hesitate to bite if someone is bothering you. Your love for travel and your ability to swim are some reasons why you are a duck.

You were almost a: Monkey or a Lamb
You are least like a: Turtle or a Groundhog Cute Animals Quiz

My Secondary School Years

2005-10-15T11:47:00.000+08:00

It's been the greatest 4 years of my entire life - I've spent it in TK. Nothing propaganda-ish about it, cos it's not all about the environment, the principal. *cough* I'm sure many would agree with me.

And yesterday was the last official school day. The last time we would ever step into that little cosy and dirty classroom of ours. The one we sat in, crying and laughing, chit-chatting away noisily in the middle of lessons, dozing off, whining and ranting for most parts of the time. It's where we had our discussions, our cheers, tons of birthday songs, our arguments, all our ups and downs. It was the last time we would sit in the hall, cross legged, not bothering if we're sitting properly anyway cos the whole world knows some of us are wearing shorts, and nobody's gonna care.

(Afterall, the next time we're stepping into the hall would be on chairs and tables, with examination scripts right before our eyes, invigilators completely stranger to us, a very, very tense atmosphere filling the vacant, hot hall, which we always complain of for the lack of air-conditioning.)

There have been so many issues we've complained about, of school, and right at this very moment, I've realised how much we've gone through, how much we've tolerated, how quickly we've adapted to everything we've complained about. From the new odd and even week schedule, to the stuffy hall, to the common, and extremely short, recesses, to the school being small and old, and lack of facilities, to the principal. I mean, okay we might not have accepted the principal but let's face it, we've tolerated her longer than we think we would. :p

And of course, most importantly, the lovely people I've met during the course of the 4 years. This isn't meant to get emotional but honestly, in primary school, I never thought I'd fit in much. I only had one good friend in Primary school. One. I survived on relying on her for 2 years. The rest of it, I was just a passing phase. I dreaded the beginning of secondary school so much. I hated coping with so many subjects. I hated the stress our art teacher gives us. I hated flunking because I've never flunked anything in Primary school. I hated the beginning of sec3 too cos everybody had their cliques and I had none. I hated trying to fit in all over again. But I found friends along the way who'd pick me up whenever I'm down. They didn't even have to know I'm down, and they would cheer me up without realising it. All the humourous moments, all the caring and sharing moments, I've loved it all.

Slowly, time passed me by. And here I am. I've survived everything I've whined and ranted about. I've tolerated everything I've cried over. Results. Stress. People. Responsibility. I don't think I would know what to do without the extended family I have. The school, without a doubt was my second home but it wasn't because I wanted it to be. It's only because I spent a lot of time in it. But second home or not, the people in there were definitely my extended family. Especially the second half of this year, I've grew to become very close to lots of people. Laughter wasn't absent any single day. Not that I can remember any, anyway.

Apparently I have my brother to thank. If I hadn't approached him for help in Pri 6, I might've ended up in Dunman High, or perhaps Temasek Sec. And then I wouldn't have been able to touch people's lives. HAHAHA. (Just pretend I have touched your life, peeps. :p Just pretend to make me happy. lol) But seriously, what would I have become if I were in those schools!?

And now I dread the thought of having to try to fit in again, next year. Hopefully all those invaluable lessons I've learnt through the course of the 4 years helped to mould me. I've changed a lot through the 4 years, and now I am very happy. I don't think I want me to change. And I hope those lovelies who've gone through the times with me wouldn't change much either, cos I'm gonna miss them. Bad.

Sights

2005-10-13T21:37:00.000+08:00

Because the TV was occupied and I couldn't catch Joey, I decided to comfort myself with some banana split - idea of course was by the ever brilliant Seige. :p

Except, it turned out to be the ugliest banana split ever. At least you know its taste can't go wrong. :)

Lazy to write much today, so just gonna have a few pictures up. Last official school day tomorrow, so gonna bring my camera about and hopefully snap some pictures with the lovelies at school. I'm gonna miss it, I'm sure. Though I can't figure out how to 'miss' the lessons we're having at the moment. I'm sure I will in time to come though.

Other odd sights... this was taken at the 10bucks hairdressers.

Please no waiting? We wonder.

Thankfully the epidemic is slowly subsiding.

Found on a patch of grass. We wonder what happened to the vehicle it belonged to.

Old Friend

2005-10-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

Song: 3 Doors Down - The Road I'm On

I had no idea a mere CD could make you immersed in the music it contains, and is so awesome you can practically imagine the singer and the band there performing in a little area, like a bloody gig. I had no idea, till today. :p And boy was it good. Sure it would cost but wow, a gig every day? That's so bloody cool.

Bah. No, I'm not jealous. Nothing. :p Jealous? Whatever made you think so! :p

It's not fair. Now I'm listening to my songs on iTunes and it sounds like crap. OH I know the exact person to blame for this. Eeeek. Nevermind, I shall get used to my 'crap' music in no time, again. Yes, yes that's the plan.

There's been so much hype about the post o's lately. My lovelies and our little plan to unwind after the o's. And the plan for prom, etc. I'm so, so excited! So, so, so excited. It mightn't be held at the best place but the idea of it is still so exciting! First prom ever! :p Never mind that it's gonna be an all-girls prom. I have no idea what people do at an all-girls prom. But it shall be very, very interesting. :p I can picture myself grabbing anyone possible to snap pictures with. :)

And today, Lizzy got me this little note to wish me luck for the future. Having been classmates for her for the first 2 years of this entire secondary school experience, of course I wouldn't forget her. But I was truly surprised she actually wrote me one, since we haven't been talking much and such. The funniest thing, though, was that we knew each other slightly before sec 1. It was the IRC era then, and we have met each other through #a1 (oh my god, this brings back tons of memories) only to realise we've got ourselves enrolled in the same secondary school and ended up in the same class. How super coincidental is that?

Because of that, I stuck to her pretty much the entire orientation. I knew noone else, really. And it was fun. The good ol' crappy days. When everyone just wanted to be friends with one another. :p And god, I think we were both crazy over a1. I remember her giving up her a1 photos - she gave them to ME. So, apparently, both of us were a1 chasers. :p We were at a1's autograph session without knowing that the other party was there too. Brilliantly cool. :p

And then we drifted a bit, and the distance got worse when we separated into different classes in sec3. And then today I got the note - certainly surprised me and made me cheery. :) Always warms your heart to know you're not forgotten. :)

JCs

2005-10-10T17:47:00.000+08:00

Song: Daniel Powter - Free Loop

I'm quite sick of telling people I have no idea where to go after O's. So I attempted to do a little research to narrow down the JCs that don't put me off.

Except, I can't stand it cos there're only 4 in the east. And I'd only consider 3 of the 4. And one of them is across the street. I'm having second thoughts about that.

The other 2... well I doubt I can make it in with my prelims results. Tough fight with the rest of the school population for the them too, since everybody seemingly wants to go there.

So, at least for the first few months, that leaves me with either going to the one across the road, or travel more than halfway across the island. Most are like Toa Payoh area, or Serangoon area (no I don't mean SRJC). From Tampines to there, every morning? Transport fees, too. Wouldn't be student fare after this year!

I'm so bored. I wish someone would sponsor me. I'd gladly check up on possible schools to study abroad. I want to study abroad, even if it means leaving the family for 2 years. If only... if only.

Why I'm Weird

2005-10-09T11:25:00.000+08:00

Song: The Ataris - Boys Of Summer

It's finally hit me. I'm an odd breed. Hmm. The following are reasons why I'm weird.

1) I love boybands and am not afraid to admit it.
I absolutely adore boybands. I love the sappiness in their songs. I love the whole, "Here we go, one more time, everybody's feeling fine, here we go now. Yes yes yes, here we go! 'N Sync has got the flo'!" I have this huge playlist of boyband songs. I love their ballads, the whole I love you till the end of time, nobody can ever take you away from me stuff. I love sychronised dancing, I love the sychronised swaying from side to side.

(It doesn't help I'm listening to Backstreet Boys' songs non-stop, and Westlife's first album. Love, love, love it. And of course, a1.)

2) I love muscle aches.
I adore waking up after a day of activities, having my arms and legs aching. Refreshing feeling, in a way. And you know you've worked the muscles out. I love feeling that. Pity I haven't felt that in a while. My legs are aching a little bit, cos I was squatting down a lot yesterday. lol

3) I like the smell of medicated oil.
Ok, this is pretty freaky, isn't it? But if I were told to put medicated oil on my mosquito bites, or rub it on my tummy cos I'm having a tummyache, I would gladly do it. I like the smell of it. It clears my nose. :p Too much of it is obviously a no-no. I thought it smells alright until my brother said it stank yesterday when I put some on my bites. Then I realised, okay I am weird.

4) I like painting.
I like painting walls. Heh. Anyone needs to paint their room or something, I'd gladly help! It's fun. It's just a little tiring but it can be fun! I liiike painting. Oh, I suddenly have an idea of what to do in case I drop out of school. Haha

5) I like brocolli and salted veg. I hate hard carrots and potatoes.
I LOVE salted veg soup my mum makes. Love the sourish taste. Slightly spicy. Tangles everything in your mouth up and is VERY refreshing. I like the crunchiness of salted veg, and the taste of it. So not tasteless like a lot of the other greens. I like brocolli when it's cooked with the right gravy. And I like them soft. Yum yum yum.

My bro absolutely loves hard carrots so I'm not sure if I'm the one weird or my brother is. But those western dishes that serve little servings of greens at the sides usually have baby carrots that are darn crunch and tough? I hate them. :p

I hate hard potatoes but I love mashed potato, potato wedges, fries and potato chips. I don't mind potatos that are soft (normally the cubes of it found in soups) but I hate the ones wrapped with aluminium foil, also found as little servings with western dishes. They're tough and yucky. Eew.

6) I judge a movie by the way it makes me cry.
Under normal circumstances, those that make me cry a lot are good movies. I actually enjoy crying while watching a good movie sometimes. (Enjoy crying? hmm.)

7) I love Christmas though I don't celebrate it.
I love the warm and fuzzy feeling. I love the rainy season cos it finally gets cool. And I can wear jackets even at home cos it rains so much I'm so cold. The tops I own with long sleeves are practically only worn during this time of the year. And I love spending it with Seige, high on caffeine, singing Christmas tunes (slightly off-tune). My family doesn't even celebrate it but I still follow the practice of exchanging gifts and all. I loveeeee Christmas. Can't wait for it! Ugh!!

8) I rather pay more to watch live performances than pay less to be able to listen to the CDs again and again.
I love watching live performances. I rather be at the event itself to catch it live than watch it at home comfortably or even be able to record my favourite performances so I can watch them over and over. I'd rather have a feel of the atmosphere there and then. I won't mind queuing and all that as long as I enjoy the live show. And if I really like the band I would rather save up to watch their gig live, than to save up for their album. Actually I'd do both. But you get the pic.

9) I love singing when people least want me to.
Heh. No comments.

10) I always blame it on the unfairness of life when I know of people performing much better than me.
This includes super talented kids way younger than me. And people like my brother being able to play the guitar with ease when I struggle with songs. And people who sing so unbelievably well like Kelly Clarkson, Joss Stone, etc. And super rich people. And people who travel widely... and the list goes on. Unfairness of life.

4 Years - A Long Time

2005-10-07T23:13:00.000+08:00

Song: Boyzone - A Different Beat

Hmm, was checking my mail earlier and realised it's been ages since I've actually hit the 'forward' button. It's also been pretty long since I received all those annoying forwarded chain letters that would kill you if you don't pass it on and usually has some pretty lame content, like trying to be evident about the consequences of not passing it on. On the other hand, the number of spam emails continues to increase. Man, I miss the days of forwarding questionaires. :p But now, everybody does theirs on their blogs or on friendster's bulletin. Or none at all. Has everyone gone busy?

Anyhow, received my class photographs today - both formal and informal photograph. Happily letting everybody sign on it, and with just 3 people, it already occupied half the space! I love long messages. :) Subsequent writers started saying they're nice people so they're gonna do me a favour by not taking up too much space so the rest can write. Er. Ok. There is a way of squeezing!

So anyway I was writing for some of them as well, and I slowly started reminiscing the past 4 years. Wow I have gone through quite a bit in these 4 years. Many of the people I'm close to now, I only really became good friends this year. If that's how long it takes for me to be friends with people, I wonder how the next 2 or 3 years is gonna be spent.

It does suck to think you'll have to leave your friends ('newly' acquired) and join some other place filled with strangers and you gotta start all over again. Of course the option of making friends remains open, but keeping in mind you'll need people to depend on for the next 2 years, it'd better be done. Then the worry of fitting in returns. 2 years is too long to spend without friends, and too short for me to find who I can really be friends with. Afterall I did take 4 years.

And I was recalling all the stuff I've done in school these 4 years, and came up with a list:

Sec. 1:

Orientation + Campfire (First campfire I've ever been to. I particularly remember the obstacle race, having to dump our face in a tray of flour, digging around for a sweet and boy did the flour taste like crap. First time I actually learnt campfire songs.)
Inter-class Cheerleading Competition (Umm. good try. *grin* Audrey, remember? We were so struggling.)
Inter-class Dance Competition (Champs! Most memorable, cos it brought some of us closer together. And lots happened in the course of preparing for it. And our choreographer (also my dance partner) was fab, coaching us and all. It was so, so awesome! I remember battling stage fright, before the finals!)
Also remember hating art lessons, because the teacher was so strict and demanding, though I still did well in it nonetheless. *cough* Humility, I'm sorry.
Joined AV, cos I got dragged in by my senior. :p
Zany Parade during cross country: Tinkerbell from Peter Pan!

Sec 2:

Inter-class Softball Competition (Vividly remember being dragged in for this one. I was persistent on not joining cos I knew nuts about it. But my friends argued that I should give it a shot, so we stayed back for numerous days of practice, and we emerged 2nd! Despite being terrible at the game! Pure plain luck!)
Inter-class Badminton Competition. Oh I know this one sucked. Though we had a lot of fun training for it :p
Liked art better, though it's the same teacher. Did well in art. Art piece got kept, and was later put up for display in the library. And it still is there! Haha! :p
Super ultra fun class chalet at the end of that year. Spent 3 days 2 nights there, bugging friends to stay for 2 nights and they simply refused. I had fun anyway! Waking up super early in the morning trying to catch the sunrise, realising later that you can't catch a single glimpse of it from Pasir Ris. So we went back and slept though it already was morning! Spent the first night keeping my friends up cos I was so excited about staying up through the night for the first time. *cough* They were tired, and probably annoyed by me. (Audrey & Elise, I'm sure you remember this.) But we did anyway, sang songs from The Sound Of Music (what the hell?) and then the rest of the group who stayed over tried to make us shut up. :p
Started the whole list of flag days, cos I'm finally no longer underaged. Amongst one of them was MAD (Make A Difference) Hair Day, when we were out on the streets for 10hours, with our hair done by Jean Yip, dyed and done madly. And some uncles would stare at me and ask me what the heck I'm thinking of, to oblige to do that. :p Funny and fun. I love flag days. You meet a lot of different sorta people, ranging from cute guys, to people with lovely accents, to super lovely people, to the bitchiest people around!
Zany Parade during cross country: Storm from X-Men! (I forgot this so I approached Adora for it. *guilty*)

Sec 3:

Ran for AV (4X100m relay) for the Inter-clubs competition during Sports Day. Emerged 3rd! Fun! Scary too! The last time I ran for sports day was in Primary 5. *cough* Not a good runner.
Became Class Vice-chair after lots and lots of persuasion. Class was quite much in a havoc. I hated the bit on planning for class decoration competition the most. Still do. :p
Grades were disastrous. I cried for grades a lot this particular year.
Zany Parade during cross country: Bimbos & Jocks

Sec 4:

Class Vice-chair role sets in a little better. Still hate class decors. Nonetheless, becomes better later. Stress on class cleanliness. I was yelling non-stop daily for people to do their duties. And because my voice is apparently soft, several kind-hearted souls would always help me to shout. Awww, this may sound weird but I miss doing that! Running after people for not doing their duties! AWWWWW! :p
Class suddenly wins a lot of things we don't expect to. Good. :p
Consistently bullied by certain people. And certain lovely people would always back me up, like Zheya! Bless! *grin* Constantly tolerating being physically abused by people like Brenda as well. Ha! I'm such an ideal target for bullies, that's bad.
Hung out at Parkway a lot more. Bad influence, guys. lol
Zany Parade during cross country: Cucumbers

Can only think of the above off-hand. I'm definitely sure there's a lot more but I'm gonna doze off in a sec, so it's to be continued!

What Sucks

2005-10-06T21:50:00.000+08:00

Song: Papa Roach - Stop Looking/Start Seeing

I see the walls closing in
And I feel I'm in danger
My enemy is not alone
In the mirror, there's a stranger
As I tried to break out
My panic led to fear
Hopeless, I am alone
I'm afraid that the end is near

I like the lyrics to that bit. Something possible to relate to.

And okay, my prelims results so far. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, thankfully. Not entirely happy but at least it's not cry-worthy anymore. I'm still afraid of many other things though. The thing about me? I need constant reassurance. Otherwise too much thoughts lead to revolving questions, eventually going paranoid, start crying and all that. It's not something I enjoy. And I don't list out why I wallow in self-pity just so I gain attention either. Reassurance - I just need it. Perhaps I'm dependent on it to a point I want it. But oh well, that's a different issue altogether.

And when I'm not happy, it tend to be pretty contagious, so to speak. People around me just get pissed after a while, either with my issue cos they feel it too, or with me. Or just pissed, anyhow, and don't say it anyway. Nonetheless, many thanks to those who managed to stick around through my dark periods. I hope I don't affect you as much as I think I did, cos that would suck, to put it simply.

And it's not even the worst thing, to piss the people around me. To piss them off, and then feel bad to be even unhappy in the first place, just sucks. Then I get pissed / disappointed / upset with myself. That's such a fun tangled chain, I'm tellin' ya.

And sometimes I wonder... people say certain things don't have to be said to be felt / made known of. But if you don't feel it, what happens? Eek I'm wasting my time thinking about useless stuff, I think I should just go off and study. Yes, finally a smart idea.

Before I end off, I just needed to add that today I spent the longest time without food and water. It's a record! 6am to 8.30pm. No thanks to the late dinner. I wonder how people with gastric problems fast.

A week and a day left of school.
O's Pract in under 2 weeks.
O's in under a month.

Better Day!

2005-10-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

Awww everybody's so sweet!

One immediately tells me about her friends' booboo prelim results, one tells me about forgetting to do me a 'cheer up' card, another tells me she loves me on her blog, amongst those named - her boyf, herself and her comp. HOW SWEET IS THAT? :p Very. I am so in love with the great people I know. :D

Finally today was a better day. Finally there're papers that I was relatively happy with. Though I'm still sulking over the lack of 0.1 mark to be able to round my grade up to a better grade, I think I should skip the sulking and save time for crossing my fingers for 2 more papers I've yet to receive. They shall then determine if what I'll be the next 3 months. But I was definitely happier today. :)

And I had an attempt at fasting today, along with everyone else. It's the first day of fasting right? Hmm, I think. Anyhow, I had later brekkie though. And earlier dinner. So maybe I was nearly an hour short. But hell, no drink is hazardous! I'm clearing my throat like every 5 minutes, with the back of the throat feeling super dry. But when I was halfway through the day I didn't feel like giving up, so I just went on all the way! Now someone's trying to make me do a proper day of fasting, ie having brekkie before 5.40am. I need to sleep till 5.45am cos my body's accustomed to that, plus my mum won't be awake before that, so if I were to have brekkie before 5.40, I gotta wake up even earlier to prepare brekkie, and then I'll just be moody for the rest of the day for not sleeping enough. Then I'll bark. And perhaps cry. So that's not gonna happen. Big no-no.

But it's quite fun to try out. *cough* I know it's not supposed to be fun. But hey it sucks not to have food or drink for that long. I don't know what I'd do if I were in a poor country with buckets full of starvation issues. I so need my food!

That being said, it's a good way to save up. *cough*

Oh oh and I was told that my English essay for prelims sounded like the way I write for my blog - which I suppose isn't ideal. Shite. I still am high on believing that the marker hated my essay or she wouldn't have picked on all my statements. Ugh.

I can't wait for the 19th of Nov. *sigh* (It's the day after my last O's paper, y'see. So I couldn't have said I can't wait for the 18th.)

Scared

2005-10-03T21:35:00.000+08:00

I'm annoyed.

Where the heck are my A's? Are they coming out at all?

Where am I to go for first 3 months? Should I stay at home? Or should I work? Or should I try and pray for a little miracle?

Yesterday, my uncle came over. He asked for the dates my O's, and then marked against the calendar in the kitchen with the subjects on the respective dates. My gran's supposed to pray for me on those days, I suppose.

Anyhow, the point is, I suddenly got struck by how stressed I should be. I shouldn't be hanging around, goofing about, laughing at my grades. I should be planning where to go. And the best part was, my mum came to me last night to tell me my cousin's planning to go National JC. Oh hooray! I'm so gonna try to beat her.

Please. Look at my current grades. She's no opponent for me. Neither do I want to be compared to her anyway. And I can't believe what's gonna happen when people know I can't go anywhere for the first 3 months. My bro, parents, relatives, granny are gonna be shocked and ashamed of me. Hooray!

And then I cried last night. I didn't want to. My mum came into the room when I was about to. While trying to make her take no notice of me and leave the room, it just came rolling down. And then I cried again when I thought of it. I'm scared. I don't know what of. And the point of this entry isn't to shove fear into everyone else's mind too, whoever's reading this and taking the o's. Then I lay on my bed to take my mind off studying. And then I cried again. And so I planned to go to bed. And someone tried to comfort me by making sure I was alright. So after that I cried again before I finally fell asleep. (There's something about comforting words that don't comfort me.)

I am scared. I really am. Of the papers. Of the grades. Of the expectations. Of the failure. Of wondering if I will get through it.

And after school today, much later in the evening, on and off, I felt like crying again. I hate being a cry-baby.

I really wish there was ample time for everything. I wish, I wish...

I wish I'm pmsing.

[Again, don't tell me I'll get through it and I'll be fine. Cos if you don't already know, those words don't help me feel better.]

Questions Revolving

2005-10-02T12:30:00.000+08:00

Song: Nick Lachey - This I Swear (streaming on AOL, at least :p)

Sometimes I wonder why I'm so fortunate. I really do. I might not be rich. May have several shortcomings. Lack certain normalcy others have in their lives. I may be cooped up at home with a controlling granny half the time, but some people are not even half as fortunate as I am. Apart from academic terms, I've been getting luckier. Or happier, whichever way you see it. This year has just been a great year on the whole. It's the best year with the best presents continuously flowing in, for some reason. I suddenly have great people surrounding me. Not that I didn't initially. It's just that...

I went through primary school and all being a loner. Sure I was close to few people in class, but we weren't the type who'd does personal talk. We talk about what homework there is for the day, what teachers we like, boast a little about what we have, like some tamagotchi game hot then, what shows we like. I guess it's only later that you realise you can talk to anyone about such trivial issues and the true people stick around for your problems and personal issues.

And all of a sudden you step back and realise, wow how things have changed! I no longer just trot from place to place hoping to remain invisible, snuggle up in a cosy corner, remain quiet and just enjoy my little private space. I attend school, with friends! I lead my life without being alone! That may not seem odd to most people, but it does to me. Not that I mind it being odd at all. :p I just remembered that I used to find myself wondering if I'll ever fit into this life, apart from depending on my cousin for everything. :p

Just umm sudden enlightenment that's all :)

Yet on the other hand, when you realise everything's going on great, you wonder what will happen if things change for the worse. Like because I haven't had a setback, it may have caused me to be more vulnerable to setbacks? Just like the time I blogged about not having witnessed the loss of a loved one's life. It's the same issue.

Like because I'm watched almost all the time at home, by either parents, brother or granny (90% of the time), I find it odd when I'm alone at home, and make a great deal out of it. Like it's ultra amazing to survive on your own. I guess it's because of such things that I often wonder what it's like to live alone and always ending up predicting my failure in an attempt to be independent. I'm spoilt, I know. :)

And because I'm given allowance every week without fail, sometimes even more money when parents or granny suddenly feel like it, I never know what it feels like to live off your own income. I don't know how it feels to have to plan financially, because money comes in every week without fail, without me having to work for it. It might not be a lot, hence I gotta save it up for certain things I need or want to get. Still, the point is I don't have to work for it. I've never worked for it. Even during holidays, I know I have the option of asking my parents for money before I go out. So, again, I don't know how it feels to be on the other side!

Same concept here, but perhaps I look into things too much sometimes. Just sit back and enjoy the fruits of... non-labour? I wonder if I'm deserving of some things sometimes. Just felt like sometimes people around me deserve some of it too but they don't get it. Why?

PS: I have an obsession with soya bean milk. (of all things on earth!) Oh god, I'm an alien. I knew it!

Single-Ed School

2005-09-29T20:01:00.000+08:00

Song: A1 - Scared

The one thing that I'm scared of is losing hold of you
I get the shivers down my spine, feel my body turning blue
The feeling is so frightening, it's driving me insane
The one thing that I'm scared of is losing hold of you

Man, I miss those a1 songs. Tomorrow, Living the Dream... lovely singing them again! :D

There's something wrong with my brain these days, I swear. Just a little bit of challenge in school, I end up going home with a headache that won't leave until I get at least 5hours of sleep at night, only then would I wake up to find the headache gone. Something's wrong! Hmm...

AND, I'm putting on weight again. Haha, shucks. I think the thing people say about having enough sleep helps weight loss is true! Ugh. I need to jog again soon. And cycle! Somebody, go cycling with me!!!

And as the week is ending, i'm constantly mentally reminding myself - 2 weeks to o's prac, 4 weeks to o's. Holy shit, that's so soon! *switches to panic mode* I hardly see 4 weeks as sufficient time. Yet, when it comes to usual exams I only start studying like a 2weeks (max) before. This is baaaad. :p

But since today we didn't receive any papers (and unlikely tomorrow either) I was in a much better mood. Much, much better mood. Went home with a much better mood too. If we're getting literature elective paper back tomorrow, I don't think I'd be leaving school that happily. Yet there's no logic in delaying the bad news, since I'm gonna need time to snap out of it once it hits me. Gah. Unleash all of them now, I can deal with them quicker!

Anyway was doing this QSE (no idea what it stands for) survey today at school. It's regarding our views on the school. There was this bit on whether we think the school's helped us in gaining self-confidence. To think about it, it definitely has helped a whole lot! In sec 1 I was this meek (scaredy), quiet (introverted introvert), innocent (gullible) girl who feared anything and everything. I wanted to be invisible half the time, didn't like mixing around much. I squeaked my way through sec 1, keeping all to myself, not wanting to respond in class, not wanting to take up any forms of responsibilities, wanted to not be known in school at all. Just look through me like you see nothing, please!

Nearing the end of the 4th year, I see myself mixing around a lot more. Speaking up a whole lot more. I raise questions, thoughts and views a whole lot more. I still do fear a lot of things but it doesn't mean I'm a wimp cos I usually tide through it anyway - sometimes on my own. With a huge truck of experience I gained from this school, I don't see myself opening up like that if I were in some other school - co-ed schools mainly. So, I may say bad things about single-ed schools cos it does have its bad points, like people getting extremely wild. Who's to say single-ed schools have more 'wild' people than co-ed schools anyway? I thought so, until I heard stories from co-ed schools. :p So, if given a choice, I think I would send my child to a single-ed secondary school. Primary school should be a given opportunity to mix around a little more. I know I hated guys in primary school (lol some people sure know about this)! I guess it'd be better to join a school with guys when they've umm stabilised in the maturity level. *chuckle* The whole so-and-so likes so-and-so rubbish in school can drive me nuts!

Anyhow I think I'm really gonna miss being able to sit with our legs open, whether we're wearing shorts or not, anywhere around in school at the end of the year. I'm gonna miss screaming at friends, calling one another a bimbo. I'm gonna miss sitting around in class with a whole bunch of friend bitching about some people on tv, and ogling at some hottie on tv together. While I know that can continue wherever I go next year, it's gonna be less, and weird cos we'll be judged by other *snicker* gender around with *snicker* varying maturity.

*cough* I'm sorry I don't have the resistance against immature guys. I have this huge thing against them. :)

Anyhow, can't quite imagine how it'll be like next year. I'm gonna miss my friends dearly. :( And of course we'll tell each other to keep in contact. But who's to know what'll happen when you're blown away to different schools, with crazy schedules and tests and exams! It'll definitely be tougher when you used to see each other everyday...

As I Sink Further Into Depression...

2005-09-28T18:11:00.000+08:00

I really am just plain sick and tired. Of the whole routine. Study, study, study. Eventually getting grades I'm barely satisfied with. And for the third consecutive day, all I've been getting is bad news, bad news and more bad news.

I seriously doubt my chances of going anywhere for the first 3 months.

I seriously doubt the possibility of 'good news' coming my way anytime soon either.

And, I seriously doubt I'll hang in there, and hold through the entire receiving of prelims results without shedding a tear. Cos time and time again, I find myself struggling to brush it aside, putting on a smile and just moving on. It's become such a habit that I find it almost easy to smile even when I'm unhappy. That may be a good 'front' to put on but ultimately I don't think it's gonna be great.

Bio paper 1's pretty screwed up too. I wouldn't have fretted about it so much if I were more confident of my paper 2 and practical. Unfortunately I was pretty much depending on paper 1 to pull them all up. At the rate this is going, I doubt I can use Bio for one of the R5. Which means I'm pretty much dead because my Physics paper 2... I'm really hoping to pass that paper. And that says a lot - to hope I pass. Apart from Chinese, I don't ever just hope to pass. I want my grades, I do!

Don't think I'll be getting back any papers tomorrow, which may be a good thing to break the chain of consecutive days filled with bad news. At least finally it's a day I don't feel like I may cry.

Bless the people who've been trying to cheer me up. :) Let's face it, I'm hardly optimistic when it comes to my own achievements. Not because I have a low self-esteem or anything. Just that somehow when it comes to such shite, it just doesn't work out for me. Sucks.

That aside, I just need to rant that's all. I don't need people telling me it's my fault, that I brought it upon myself. I don't need people to tell me it's okay because it's not. And I don't need people to tell me that I'll be fine cos I'm cheery and smart and all that. It's just gonna make me realise I'm not, and it sucks more than it already is. And if your comfort may just make me cry out of sheer guilt. So I don't really need comments on this. I just needed this blog for its aim - an avenue to rant when I need it.

But no worries, knowing how I've always been, I'll snap out of this pathetic state of wallowing in self-pity in time to come. The whole oh-i'm-so-poor-thing-i'm-screwed-i'm-gonna-die thing pisses me off sometimes but it just is inbuilt. :p I shall snap out of it soon and realise it's only a waste of time. Big thanks to those who've been listening. :)

Depressing State

2005-09-27T20:34:00.000+08:00

So far, I've gotten back our chinese paper 2 and social studies paper. How was it? Well, I failed my chinese paper 2 and I almost failed social studies. How freaking great is this eh? I'm gonna stay home for the first 3 months and my brother's gonna kill me.

Faaaaabulous. Simply fabulous. I was on the verge of crying today but was cheered up later on. Haven't cried for school/grades in a while... guess that's no biggie for those who knew me back then.

But again, this scares me because I have only one humanities subject to rely on. And I've just screwed up half the component. Unlikely to score for literature elective, really. Likely to get more terribly done papers to come. This sucks big time.

So, think before you ask me 'how are you?' lest I start snapping at you with my sucky grades and sucky mood. Unpleasant. I have a feeling I'm gonna hit my target L1R5 score with just 2 or 3 subjects. Just great.

Post Pre-Mugging Period

2005-09-26T21:17:00.000+08:00

Bloody Blogger made me re-sign in after I made a super long entry. Faggoty ughhhhhhhhh. It was like super duper long! :( I can't be arsed anymore cos I'm tired. So let's just mention the highlights of the day!

We were basically thrown back into reality after returning from the weekend just after prelims. Our temporary liberation, we call it. Only to find out it really was temporary. In fact, it just lasted 2 days. 2 lousily short days. Let's just say we were warmly welcomed back by the following reminder.

'3 weeks to Practicals, 5 weeks to the O's.'

Why, thank you for the lovely reminder. I'd love to hear that after an absolutely short weekend. :) Thank you, school, thank you. I love you to bits. :)

===========

Psst... Bi Xia did this friendster questionaire that I was reading, and it suddenly hit me that...

31. Favourite website(s)?
` my blog. frenster. xiaxue's blog. darling's blog. ah huang's blog. manda. hotmail.

I WAS LISTED! awwwwwwwwww. *touched* :)

Unfair Battle Of The Sexes

2005-09-25T19:34:00.000+08:00

Let's face it. It's an unfair world. There isn't much of an 'equality' between the sexes. Several reasons to state my stand. I'm not gonna go all feminist here cos these are facts. General facts.

Women with bushy eyebrows are often criticised. Men? Colin Farrell isn't getting insulted, is he? Peter Gallagher, sure they poke fun of it here and then.
If men jump into the pool with their tops and boardshorts, it's okay. If women jump into the pool with their tops and boardshorts, the guys go, "where's your bikini?" Well, you don't hear the girls going, "where're your trunks?" do ya?
Men who are plump don't get mentioned. Women who are plump? "Oh god, she's fat and she's wearing that?" followed by perpetual "Eew"s.
When females have hard palms / fingers, guys give looks. When guys have hard palms / fingers, they're thought to have had a hard life, and are worth ogling at like they're tough men!
Women who don't shave are given looks. Men? Please. Just watch an NBA game.
Women with no make-up are called 'plain janes'. Men, on the other hand, would be teased if they had make-up. See, the thing is, the women have to put on something in order not to be teased.
That leads us to another point. Women have to spend tons! On make-up - cleansers, moisturizers, foundations, eyeshadow, blushers, lipsticks, lip gloss, etc. On grooming - tweezers, eye-lash curlers, etc.
AND, women are often given less money. Just daily examples, like siblings. Chances are, the brothers are gonna get a lot more money!

Heh, I was walking towards the hairdressers and suddenly all of these popped into my mind. I'm quite sure there were more but knowing how terrible my memory is (since Seige wasn't around with me)... well, true enough isn't it! :p Many things for women are a 'must-have' or a 'must-do'. Many things for men are optional.

[Ooh, and so someday I'm gonna get sued for being sexist by some chauvinist organisation and then this blog shall close down. lol]

I'm just being lame cos I'm tired. I need more sleep. So I'll be back with post-mugging period, part 2 when I'm a little less... braindead.

And oh yes, had a haircut today. Chopped off about 2 inches. The hairdresser didn't really get my point when I said I want it short. She basically gave it a trim and then layered it more when I told her I wanted it shorter. So I just trimmed it myself (it's amazing it's not slanted or anything at the back!) and now it's more or less the length I planned it to be. Would've been shorter if I didn't have to tie it at school! Just the sudden urge to chop it all off! :p Think it would've been triggered off by Zheya's haircut or I'd never have gotten down to cutting it. Ha!

Post-Mugging Period

2005-09-22T21:10:00.000+08:00

Song: Sum 41 - In Too Deep

Ooh, good good day. Not that the 2 papers I had today were great. But it's always great to know you're only left with a paper and you can't study for it. (I think, anyway!) And you're free for at least a month!! Ooh-la-la!

Was out today *sparkle* caught The Cave with a dear. Had a good time, as always. But that show gave me creeps. I had both hands on my mouth like two-thirds through the show. Those creatures...

Oh yeah, I have a new reader who doesn't comment, but has a problem with my Singlish so I shall umm abstain from using Singlish around here. Rar. :p You know who you are, ha!

Oh that reminds me. For some reason, today, during the papers, whenever the invigilators suddenly pops into the mic and says, "Put down your pens." I'd literally jump out of my seat. Gosh, the fright.

Oh yes yes yes yes!!! I finally weigh below 50kg :p (So random!) Just a few hundred grams but whatever! Oh ho ho ho ho *grin* Shall watch my diet. I wanna go on Villa Wellness and find out my fat mass. And make sure it goes down. :p Gah. Anyway..

Going out with Audrey & Elise tomorrow possibly to catch Cinderella Man at town after the lockup for the Physics practical tomorrow. Hopefully we don't have another irresponsible bugger, causing us to be locked in longer than usual, as of Wednesday. (5 freaking hours in the studio is not enjoyable.) I'm tired now but I'd rather be tired from activities during the day than to be tired after studying like some retard. Ha!

Stealing this off Marc's. :)

QUIZ.
1. pick 1 of ur scars out now.. how did u get it?
Right eyebrow. Busy trying to climb up my un-climb-able wardrobe for the silliest reasons that you can't understand unless you're that age. I think I was about 5 or 6.

2. What's on the walls of ur room?
Just wallpaper. My posters are never on the walls of my room, they're on my wardrobe instead. :)

3. Would u rather play or watch football?
Hmm. If it's some interesting match, watch. (Or at least when I was crazy about watching the EPL for a while, I loved watching it.) But for now, I suppose, play!

4. What sport would u say you're good at?
This is difficult. I suck at most of them. Maybe... just maybe... badminton? At least my best sport, though I might not be good at it.

5. What's ur worst nightmare?
It's a tie between losing loved ones and random creatures, lots of them, attacking me for some godly reason.

6. Apples or oranges?
Apple juice. Oranges - the fruit.

7. Grapes or watermelons?
Seedless grapes. Heh, I'm lazy and spoilt, so sue me.

8. Wolves or tigers?
wolves, I think.

9. What sort of music do u listen to?
A great range of them. From pop to ballads to r&b to jazz to emo to alternative to punk rock. Just nowhere near metal or techno.

10. Have u ever written poetry?
Yes!

11. Do u remember birthdays?
Most of the time... I think.

12. Do u know what time u were born?
Nope. Neither do I know my blood type.

13. Do u have a birth mark? where?
Yup. Left foot, near the ankle.

14. Are you a sweet person?
I think. Quite. :p (Just agree, damn it!)

15. What were u doing b4 u started filling this in?
Bathing? Just got home!

16. What's ur favourite gun?
Er, none. Water gun!

19. Chocolate or vanilla ice-cream?
Choc, anytime.

20. What is the first thing you notice on someone (opp sex)?
eyes / smile.

21. What's ur fav smell?
something fruity.

22. Fave sound that u hear often?
Those chimes that ring on the first of every month at noon. I think those come from the church nearby.

23. What r u thinkin about right now?
Just wondering if I should panic since I'm not studying for tomorrow's paper. But if you think about it, there really isn't anything to be done. Hmm..

24. What is ur fav disney movie of all time?
Finding Nemo. :p

25. What colour are ur eyes?
Dark, dark brown.

26. Have u ever slept with a stuffed animal?
Nope, I sneeze with them around. Sleep with tons of cushions though. I'm a cushion person :)

27. What's the name of the stuffed anmal?
-

28. Who was ur first crush wen u were little?
Ben Adams. *cough*

29. What kind of hair do u like on the opp sex?
Depends on the person, really. But for Singaporeans, mostly short hair. *cough*

30. Who out of ur friends (same sex) have u known the longest?
Seige, since the day I was born. Okay, cousins don't count. Perhaps Jasmine, since I was 11. I know of friends of the opposite sex even longer though.

31. Sunrise or sunset?
sunset, cos I'm less... braindead during which.

32. wat happened tis few days?
exams. papers galore. finally went out earlier. :)

33. Movies?
just caught The Cave, and it was creeping me out slightly since it was getting dark, kept feeling like some weird creature will just swoop down and attack me. eek

34. Where can u c urself goin for ur honeymoon?
anywhere lovely for sightseeing, or near the beach.

35. Can u play an instrument?
guitar, averagely. keyboard, barely.

36. Do u usually butt in peeps convy's?
Heh yes.

36. Band/s?
boybands: a1, bsb, 'nsync
rockbands: 3 doors down, bon jovi, aerosmith, good charlotte, rooster, switchfoot
punkbands: green day, bowling for soup, midtown

38. What kind of books do u like to read?
romance novels

39. Do u like poetry?
yes!

40. How do u like ur coffee?
mostly sweet. hot or cold.

Bad Day? Nawwwwww.

2005-09-20T14:56:00.000+08:00

Song: Bon Jovi - Bad Medicine

Love this song. Especially this part, for some reason!

When you need
That's what you get for falling in love
Then you bleed
You get a little but it's never enough
On your knees
That's what you get for falling in love
Now I'm addicted and your kiss is the drug

=============

Some people deserve to be smacked, big time. I wasn't having the best day, to say the least. Numerous reasons.

1) I overslept on the bus.
I hate oversleeping on the bus. Not that I know of anyone who likes it? But I get extremely panicky when I learn of missing my stop. Even if I know I'm darned early, I panick like some retarded fool.

2) I overslept on the bus and no schoolmate had the decency to wake me up.
I was sitting on the second half of the bus, pretty near the door. I saw a few schoolmates, whom I don't know, sitting at the back. C'mon who are we kidding? If you can't recognise the school uniform, you deserved to be slapped. Twice. Striking green like that, and you can't identify your schoolmates? I could totally kick you to outer space.

So basically, assuming they aren't colourblind enough to miss me, they deliberately walked off, walked past me and alighted, leaving this poor tired soul to sleep alone on the bus. And when you see someone in their school uniform in those wee hours, chances are she is going to school. No, she's not gonna elope with her boyfriend to some fancy hotel, cos she wouldn't be wearing to school uniform to start off with. Common sense, anyone?

Therefore, spotted sleeping girl + alighted happily on their own = major selfish buggers.

3) I had to take a cab to school.
Why is that? Huh? Why? *Eager eyes widen with wonder* Oh that's an easy question. I overslept on the bus, and ended up on Nicoll Highway. BLOODY HELL! If I hadn't woken up, I might very well end up at Kent Ridge, since that's where the bus terminates anyway! And then, I'll miss my Chinese paper 2, and then I'll fail Chinese entirely. Okay maybe this doesn't matter since it's possible to fail it even after taking the paper, but at least I won't get an F9, yes?

And the cab driver was telling me it's his first time being flagged down on the highway cos apparently it's illegal. Oops. Sorry, this ignorant 16-year-old had no clue and she overslept. The funny part was, I was rubbing my eyes struggling to open my eyes. The cabby thought I was offended when he said stuff about it being illegal and all. He immediately apologised and stopped talking about it, and told me, "No offence ah?" before I alighted. Hahahaha I think he thought this 16-year-old's gonna cry!

4) I had really bad papers today.
Chinese was a complete disaster. 10 questions to fill in words, I only knew 2. 5 phrases, I knew 2. 5 sentences to construct, I knew 1. Wow, I'm truly impressed with myself. Okay, I suppose there's a possibility by some miraculous measure I'll score for some questions, but there's no way I'm gonna score well. I should've expected it, I guess.

A Maths was really, really bad. I depend on both Maths a lot because they're the only ones I can secure distinctions through my Sec school years. So anytime it's screwed up, it pisses me off badly. I need them.

5) Encountered a bunch of monkeys on the bus.
Let's just say I felt like shouting, "Act your species, you retards." You're freaking homosapiens. It was this particular secondary school bus stop when the whole gang boarded the bus. This guy and girl sat on the bench in front of me. They're obviously together, guy's arm around the girl, them whispering into each other's ears.

And what happens? This 2 guys (one of them sat next to me, the other stood) bugged him non-stop. They pulled his hair (or at least tugged it), whacked his arm, kept touching his face, poking him, disturbing every second of the couple-time they possibly could. They would then laugh and shout at each other, as they have one ear occupied while they shared their mp3 player.

There were 2 other girls sitting on the bench in front of the couple. And when I wanted to go feminist, I couldn't because they were as irritating as the guys! The couple would bend down so they could hide behind the bench in front, continue chatting with each other. The girls were always facing the back, so they could tug on the guy's hair, shove their face into what little private space they had, trying to listen. And then the two guys next to me would do that too.

I swear to god, if I had such friends, I would shout at them to piss off for like 5 minutes. And then I was tired, I shut my eyes for like half a minute. I could feel the guy sitting next to me bouncing on the chair. Apparently, he had his face stuck in front of mine, and was headbanging furiously in front of my head. Little did he realise my eyes were already open. He turned at realised I was staring at him. Then he got slightly embarrassed, he withdrew and looked at me. Obviously, I continued staring at him for a while, astonished by such retarded actions. He then said, "Sorry eh? Sorry, heh heh."

Because I had two ear phones stuck in my ear, I think he thought I didn't hear it cos I went on staring at him. He repeated his apologies a few times. I then looked away. While looking away, I accidentally rolled my eyes. I swear it wasn't intentional but heck, they deserved it. So the guy next to me stopped being such an arse thereafter. Whee.

But the other guy, standing, continued being a complete idiot, bugging the guy non-stop. And the girl. He'd grab the guy's arm that's around the girl, wave it about so it shakes the girl too. Then tug his hair, shout, try to listen to their conversation, etc. That couple sure has a heck of a tolerance level.

They were in shorts, no surprise. Lower sec buggers trying to disturb me on a bad day? Not a chance. I refused to even attempt to sleep on the bus, no thanks to them. Why should I let them gain pleasure out of my ignorance, eh? Now, scoot off!

=====

Anyhow, the prelims are sooooooo draggy. I'm so bored. Not that I don't need the time to study, cos I do. It's just taking so damn long to end. UGH.

Too Little Time, Too Much To Do

2005-09-19T16:15:00.000+08:00

Song: 3 Doors Down - Here Without You

What do you do on the eve of a Chemistry Practical exam?
I watch Freaky Friday on Disney Channel. *beam* That, by the way, is where I learnt of the existence of Chad Michael Murray. lol

(Random)

Anyhow, 4 more days to go, I've gone berserk. I'm madly planning time and have found out that I have too little time for anything. I'm cramming my days of going out. :p Thursday I'll be out since Friday is Physics practical and it's nearly impossible to study for that, I should think. Friday I'll be out. Saturday I'll be out after those career talks at school. Hopefully the career talks help to show me the light... So I will stop worrying about having a bleak future due to the lack of an aim.

After this week, I have about 3 weeks of school, 2 weeks of study leave before the big O's begin. After the big O's I have a week before prom. And then I have a week before December begins. And I'm still considering taking a job for the month of December, if I manage to find anyone to hire me full-time for a month. I can be of quite some help for a month, I should think. :p And after that? First 3 months begin...

That's if I make it to anywhere actually. I wouldn't really mind if I end up nowhere for the first 3 months. *cough* I'd be ecstatic to have 3 months spare. I can plan all day on what I can do during those 3 months. I swear I hate the policy change, of only implementing the idea of abolishing the first-3-months policy for the batch after ours. Talk about unlucky.

And during that week before prom, and week before December, I'm gonna squish in chalets and possible trips abroad to nearby places for a holiday. And of course, going out non-stop to shop, etc, to make up for all the miserable time prior to O's. I really wanna work cos I wanna earn my own money this holidays so I can spend without worrying, that's why I'm setting aside a month. Even if it's gonna pay quite little, something is better than nothing!

Too little time, too much to do. I want more holidays. :(

Home Alone

2005-09-17T19:33:00.000+08:00

What happens when you put me at home... alone... for dinner?

Appetizer

Main course

Dessert

Oh pardon me I'm almost never at home alone, with no food, so I seldom get to make full use of the soaring high creativity level in me to do such stuff :p Doesn't it look good? Okay, the appetizer doesn't look good in the picture but we all know coleslaw's yummy. Main course is just bread, hotdog, omelette and lettuce. Seige thought I looked like a true American eating that. Like some gourmet competition while I tried to roll it and stuff it in my mouth. Hahahaa...

Lots of greens, I know. I didn't know 2 leaves of lettuce was so much. Didn't look that much when I was washing it... but... I was wrong! So I had nowhere else to stuff it in my main dish so I stuffed it together with my coleslaw ;-)

And fruits were obviously apples and bananas. Couldn't be arsed to add oranges. Bananas are so much easier to dice. :p

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go enjoy the peace at home. It's short-lived. :p

[Edit]
Oh no!!! I've no lanterns for tomorrow!! And we've ran out of Mrs Fields' brownie mooncakes! (I dislike the normal mooncakes by the way. I hate the skin of it. But the brownies inside makes up for the skin :p) Oh nooooooooooooooo.
[/Edit]

Laguna Beach

2005-09-15T17:09:00.000+08:00

Song: Backstreet Boys - Like A Child

I don't think I actually have 'plans' on scoring Physics tomorrow. Cos I haven't started! *applauds self* :p And I think I screwed my only humanities up! (That being said, many thanks to Bi Xia and co for giving me tips to study today. Last minute cramming did help slightly! I would've panicked further if not for them today *grin*)

E Maths was okay, I think. Some uncertainties, but it was alright overall. Many said the paper was 'odd' though. It kinda worries me what people say about the paper sometimes. I'm beginning to think I may have overlooked certain questions. Fingers crossed!!!

Maaaaaaaaaaaaan. I've come so far! :p Goddess of Physics, give me determination to chiong and score tomorrow. Physics is the only subject which I'm confident for the practicals. But what's the point if I scarcely pass my theories for Physics!!! Rar, okay don't lose focus. Back to studying.

YAY tomorrow's friday! *hop!* Absolutely excited. :) *grin seige*

PS: Was watching Laguna Beach last night. A brand new season, and my brother's hooked on that show. I think he's about to get me hooked too, but it has to be said, some people there are UNBELIEVABLY BITCHY. The bitchy level just soars into space! I can't stand it! Absolutely zero consideration. And the girl just plays the guy around, bitches about him and all that, then tries to call him up later but gets pissed off when he doesn't pick up her call. (In fact, this other girl switched off his phone for him when he showed her it was that girl who called.)

Unbelievably cynical, hypocritical and bitchy. What an eye-opener. I hope it's not because I've been really naive not to know of such people around but instead such people are few in numbers on this Earth. I know of bitchy people but her extent is WOAH. *cringe*

For those who watch Laguna Beach, I'm referring to Kristin. :p I have this huge grudge against her now, but my brother's blind to it cos he thinks she's hot. No wonder such girls succeed most of the time - with such guys around!

Shit

2005-09-14T13:41:00.000+08:00

smuggled off bixia's.

Your word is SHIT. You are laid back and relaxed,
and most people like you. You don't especially
want to stand out from the crowd, you are
pretty happy with your lot.

Which Swear (Curse) Word Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

:p pretty damn right!

shit scared for literature paper tomorrow. I've only just begun studying.

Insects Galore. Dead ones.

2005-09-13T18:33:00.000+08:00

Song: OTT - Let Me In

Oh god. They had thermal fogging in my area this morning, so what did I come home to? Walking paths filled with scattered cockroach corpses. You have NO IDEA how traumatizing that is. I was going, "holy crap" continuously, trying hard not to step on any of them. They came in all sizes, the tiniest one looked like some housefly, the largest one... EEW.

That was this tiny path under one of the flats I walk through to get to my block. And it wasn't long till I realised the void decks of both the neighbouring block and my block were filled with cockroaches too. How fricking sick is that? I was so disturbed, I turned to the road and walked on it instead.

And when I scrambled and immediately entered the lift when I could, I thought all was over. While walking along the corridor to my house, I saw this gigantic dragonfly (yes I swear to god. Slightly green in colour, super long body, 4 little wings - 2 on each side.) lying motionless on the floor. Holy mother of god. I can stand insects, really. I can. I can only take them in small dosages though. An entire flock of it a day can scare the hell out of me.

So basically I saw more cockroaches today than I did in my entire life. No exaggeration here. I hope the thermal fogging killed more mosquitoes than it did cockroaches so people will get less paranoid about the spread of dengue fever. Fingers crossed.

PS: I have lost all interest to study. Shit. Lit paper on Thursday and I have yet to start at all. I'm panicking here, I am. Lots of people I don't wanna let down. This SUCKS.

Crazy Weather

2005-09-12T18:21:00.000+08:00

The weather is CRAZY. The lightnings wouldn't stop striking, thunders keep roaring, pouring heavily... Everytime there's weather like this, I get reminded of War of the Worlds, it kind of scares me.

I know, I sound like such a wimp sometimes. Still!

I'm convinced the lightning is gonna strike ME as it approaches my neighbourhood. Like literally through the windows and strike me, since the windows are open anyway (the rain doesn't get in here).

Still, the weather isn't exactly cool... we have damned weathers, don't we? Where is the silver lining behind this dark cloud, or scary weather for that matter?

P/S: Bio paper 2 today. And it sucked. And we wonder when the prelims are gonna take a turn for the better eh? Chinese paper 1 tomorrow and A Math. Oh god.

And I hate my seat in the hall. The huge fan is blowing me directly. Into my eyes. And its strong wind keeps blowing my papers away, I have difficulty flipping my papers. Those tense moments, I take like half a minute to flip a page. That's very, very bad. And I have been using everything I can to prevent my papers from flying off, especially since pencil cases are to be left on the floor, with only necessary stationery on the table. HOW, tell me, HOW!!

Oh fricking god I just saw an entire lightning strike. As it all way through that thin bright light from top down. That is just plain scary. The other day I almost managed to take a picture of that! Just seconds too slow.

Things You Get When You're 22

2005-09-11T17:15:00.001+08:00

Song: Westlife - What I Want Is What I Got

Don't gasp at me just because I'm listening to Westlife, you lot. It could be a whole lot worse. *grin* You'll see.

Anyway surprise aside, what I got for my brother is a Take 5 album, an OTT album and a James Herriot book. :p Imagine the look on his face when he tore open the wrapper and saw Take 5 glaring at him. First thought must've been holy sh*t. *grin* Then he saw OTT and said he must tell the other cousin who grew up with him listening to OTT. See? It's not so bad. I bought it so he could ummm reminisce the old days. *nods self*

Anyway they were 2nd hand. Best part is, the OTT album was autographed. On the CD sleeve and on the CD itself. How very awesome is that! Everybody, sing! Be mine, mine forever girl... Come into my life, come share my world...

Oh yeah there was this part I couldn't decide to get Take 5 or Aaron Carter. I think he's enjoying the Take 5 album now, so WHEW. Imagine him murdering me upon realising what I got him for his grand 22nd birthday. :p What a torture for turning 22. Bless him :p

My Baby Brother

2005-09-08T11:19:00.000+08:00

I know I blog often. I'm having a week's break remember?

Nah who am I kidding. Break or not, I still blog often.

Anyhow..

snobby little junkbucket says:
happy birthday baby brother!
QG - Dunzo says:
yay
snobby little junkbucket says:
how old do you turn? 10?
QG - Dunzo says:
10000
snobby little junkbucket says:
awww such a cutie

Let's just say he looks too mature, and is way too old for his soul.

Nonetheless, since he turns 22 today, I'll do a nice treat for him. I'll tell the whole world how great a brother he is, despite the annoying imitation of my laughter every single time he catches me on the phone, or like how he'd diss me when I play the guitar. Or when he tells me I'm fat when he doesn't wanna share his food with me, and tells me I'm skinny when he wants me to finish up his yucky food. Or when he tries to boast about how great looking he is, and how he is so Brad Pitt, hoping I would fall for that. Or when he acts super childish, and successfully annoys the crap out of me.

Hrmmm.

Oh yeah I was saying how great a brother he is. Even though we're 6 years apart...No scratch that. I think it's because we're 6 years apart, we're that close. Otherwise there'd just be far too many conflicts. Internal decay *guffaws* Sorry, just thought of that.

Since young, I guess even when my granny insists on keeping all benefits for him, he always doted on me. He'd always ensure that the baby sister-who-looked-like-a-baby-brother had what she needed first. He would take care of me, maybe because my parents force him to, that I wouldn't know for sure, since I wasn't able to register words in my head then. There were many photographs we kept of the old times, when I was this little one, and he'd be carrying me, or holding me. Several pictures even, we had same poses, and I would look up to him like I wanted to be just like him so very much.

Because we don't talk to our parents as much as normal kids do, I guess that's why we talk to each other a lot. About events. About thoughts, ~~even~~ especially silly ones. About ambitions, about destinations we want to go to, about difficulties. No wait, difficulties would mainly be me whining, and he'd tell me how lousy I am, but never mind that.

All my life I grew up dependent on him, really. Whenever we wanted to make deliveries, formal phone calls, orders, etc, I would ask him to do it. Help me to do this. Help me to answer that. Help, help, help. And he would, with much reluctance each time, but he would still do them anyway. Until he found out I'm heading for an interactive job in future, then he had the way of persuading me to make my own phone calls. I then learnt how to deal with all that professionally. :p Though it has to be said, up till now, I still push a lot of phone calls to him. :)

And being the politically apathetic idiot I am, I rely on him as my number one source for many things. For news, for reasons to events happening around the world. He always seemed to know the answers to them. He always manages to give me the most complete and easy to understand explanations. He then realised I was getting lazy. I'd ask him for words I didn't understand and he hated being my dictionary. :p So he made me check up on everything myself. Snort.

The dependence doesn't end there. When he started rollerblading, he fell in love with it and made me rollerblade. From the bike shop to the road to the bridge, he was literally dragging me around. I clung onto him with all my might, and falling on my ass whenever I knew I would fall, but I decided I might as well fall first. He would be screaming at me to get up, to try again. When I did get the hang of it, I still refused to let him go, because he was my pillar of support! And finally I started dragging him down, causing him to fall whenever I fell. :) Smart me.

Oh, he also made me pick up tennis when he had this craze for tennis. I hated it because I never knew how to smash the ball back at him. It always went soaring into the sky before falling on the other side of the court. (It should always cross over just above the net, by the way.) And I would be extremely frustrated. He wasn't the best teacher either, honestly. But my perseverance level was kind of low. :p

Whenever we went out, I would grab his arm and he would hate it, shrugging it off whenever he could. When I tried to sleep on public transports, he would nudge me until I wake up. Or not give me a chance to sleep at all, for that matter. Whoops, I can't help it, I'm talking about the bad sides AGAIN.

Ummm, he's a great tutor. He's the best solution to my math problems. Except sometimes he can't solve them, he just pretends that he knew the answers but wanted me to figure them for myself. Umm.

And he's a great guy cos he saves Wonka chocolates for me every time. There. A brother I wouldn't trade for the world.

Happy Birthday, baby brother!

Why Katrina Is Made Worse Than It Already Is

2005-09-07T10:05:00.000+08:00

I wanted to do an entry on Katrina but when I came online this morning, I realised Lianne beat me to it. Nonetheless, I still want to point out what is pissing me off.

Taken from the Straits Times.

When a region in the U.S. is hit by a disaster, the local and the state authorities take charge. If they are overwhelmed, they ask the federal government for help and they cooperate at all three levels.

Unfortunately, when Katrina struck, that cooperation dissolved in acrimony and they all worked at cross-purposes.

Thus, to the chagrin of President Bush, Mayor Nagin delayed evacuating New Orleans until just 24 hours before Katrina struck.

And the dilatory Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco waited four days before sending in the National Guard, which was under her jurisdiction.

Late on Friday, a furious President Bush tried to overried Ms Blanco and take charge of the guard, but she stood firm. That caused relations between them to plummet, much to the dtriment of the victims, especially when Mr Bush then dallied over sending in the military.

Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu then chastised Mr Bush for ignoring the earlier warnings to bolster the sea walls that protected New Orleans.

She even threatened to "punch" Mr Bush for trying to put the blame on the local and state authorities. As officials squabbled, the plight of the victims worsened.

Their loss of faith in authority contributed to the sense of despair and lawlessness. That in turn was exacerbated by charges of dishonesty and ineptitude.

The New Orleans Times-Picayune newspaper noted that while the government said it could not get supplies to the victims, the paper's own staff as well as numerous TV reporters got in.

In an "open letter" to President Bush, the paper said: "Despite the city's multiple points of entry, our nation's bureaucrats spent days after last week's hurricane wringing their hands, lamenting the fact that they could neither rescue the city's stranded victims nor bring them food, water and medical supplies."

So, amidst the sufferings, starvations, living in hell with dead bodies around you, all squashed up in a convention centre, the ones who can help continue their little game of finger-pointing. Instead of trying to resolve it all, and co-operate for once. For the sake of the fellow citizens. For the sake of the fellow Americans. For the sake of your own god damn countrymen, women and children alike, wake up and realise it's about time to get them the help they need.

Lead them away from the misery. They're left stranded there with no instructions. How fabulous is that, eh? To lose everything while trying to save your own life, and now that you've managed to survive, you're not given the help to get out of hell. What's the whole point of struggling to survive in the first place?

And while they can blame each other, and the rest of the world can blame them as a whole. What we really want to see is the people granted the basic needs, and given instructions as to how to get away from hell, isn't it? As the Fox coverage I saw (a link off Lianne's) earlier, it is noted that every caring human being would realise that they should be let out of the convention centre, allowed to get away from that hell. Where are the buses? The trains? The jets? Why lock them up there, allow no medical help, food and water in, yet allow swamps of TV reporters in? If the latter is possible, why should there be difficulties having the former be arranged?

And it's not even like there is no medical help, food and water. There are all that. It's just not being distributed to those in the dome, for some godly reason. They are stuck in the convention centre, not allowed to walk out of town. They have checkpoints set up to turn people back to the city if they try. What the hell is that for?

Newsflash: The O.C.

2005-09-06T17:39:00.000+08:00

*HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP!*

Okay, my feet still aches from yesterday. Not forgetting my slippers snapping in the middle of nowhere, hence I walked barefoot on one leg. *pout* The GROUND. The hot ground. Scorching hot ground. Into the cold mall. Before managing to get me a new pair of slippers. How embarrassing. But looking on the bright side, at least I've got a new pair of slippers... (Yea, who am I kidding. It's still embarrassing.)

And oh yeah, I met Melvin yesterday, cos he wanted to pass me my belated birthday gift. Awwwwww, thanks dear!

Anyhow, I wasn't hopping for nothing. The O.C. Season 3 is gonna be shown in the U.S. on 8th September! *HOP!!!* It's been a while. Life has been meaningless without my lovely O.C. :p No maybe not meaningless. But empty enough. *grin*

I just kneeeeeew from the season finale of The O.C., there'd be a new season. I just knew it. I'm a godly genius. *HOP!* But because it isn't gonna be of fab timing to be out, I may stick to watching it on TV... except that it'd only come out months later. Weeeeell, we'll see.

Hola! The O.C.! C'mon, tell me season 3 of One Tree Hill's coming out too, I'd be overjoyed. :p

Studying's been fricking terrible. I'm gonna screw up prelims, really, really badly.

So far...

2005-09-05T22:45:00.000+08:00

My holidays as usual isn't being made use of properly. Again. I know it's happening again. That's why I have plans to sleep late tonight to mug. Or alternatively wake up early tomorrow to mug. Likely to go with the latter since I'm feeling very piggy right now.

Though, despite the badly-made-use-of-weekend-and-monday, I had some accomplishments today. I got my brother his birthday gift (more like gifts, but whatever). And I shan't spoil the fun for ANYBODY, so I'll wait till he comes back and has seen the presents before I tell anybody what I got him. I'm not surprised if he gives me a hug and tells me I'm the best sister in the world. Hmm, who am I kidding. He'd probably think I wasted my money. But maybe, just maybe, deeeeeep inside his heart, he'll be gleeful. :p

Yup, no clues. Wait till Friday. Or Saturday.

God damn it, have yet to order his cake. *slight panic*

Hmm? What? Study? Oh yeah, I'll be studying.

TV Madness For A Change

2005-09-03T14:03:00.000+08:00

I just caught the last episode of One Tree Hill. And I'm about to go ballistic.

There has GOT TO BE a season 3, I swear to god.

There's too many OH-MY-GODs and WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!?!?!

It CANNOT end with a person showing up at the door and that's that. Poof. Gone. I can practically hear the producers screaming, "Hahaha wait for the next season, you impatient loser! Or maybe there's no season so the suspense will kill you FOREVER! Hahahhaa loserrrrrr!"

I will personally murder those producers if there isn't any season 3. :p

Same goes for The O.C., I will personally go look for Josh Schwartz. That bloody genius writer.

Pah, I'm just slightly insane today. :) Always beats being freaked out for the prelims. My fear was justified though, cos it sucked so bad. I think I can start to plan to occupy my first 3 months with anything but school cos I mightn't end up anywhere. Not that I want to go anywhere during the first 3 months anyway. When the stupid policy was implemented, for us to have our first 3 months off, I was delighted. And then it had to be changed back. Bloody policy-makers.

Hmm?

Oh yea I cried during the last episode of One Tree Hill. I bawled my eyes out for the past 2 season finales for The O.C. so that's no surprise I guess.

Fear Pounces Through The Entrance... Into Me

2005-09-01T16:43:00.000+08:00

song: Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life

I'm shit scared of the prelims. It's only struck me today. I'm freaked out. It's gonna be another series of exams I'm not prepared for. I'm so worried I'm moody all over again. I'd better be pms-ing, I'm telling ya. The fluctuating moods are not really any good signs - not when they come and go as and when they wish. I'm shit scared.

I need a hug.

I Met The Whole World

2005-08-31T18:43:00.000+08:00

In my opinion it wasn't a very good Teachers' Day. Missed out on a lot of fun by basically having to carry out duties. I missed the most important parts of the class party - cutting of cake, getting my share of the cake, popping of sparkling juice, drinking of them, etc. I had like 15mins of party, gobbling food, listening to a friend trying to convince me not to be responsible.

After that, during the concert, I had to give out souvenirs to the teachers. After which, the class row was ultimately packed. The school hall was packed. I had not much space, I had to squeeze in with the not-at-all-enthusiastic people at the sides who just dampened the spirit, really. My friends were so fricking far away. And I was bored cos I was the only one doing the ~~screaming~~ cheering in that area.

So, that was that. Went back to Tampines to meet Seige and Markos, who apparently had too much time to kill. :p Nuthead. So, he generously and kindly walked us to the bus interchange. Hahaha... Coincidentally before I met Marc, YP saw Seige and I, and gave me a tap on the back before he just trotted off like he was rushing to somewhere.

Went back to my primary school after that and it was so nice. Popped into the hall to find out if there's anybody I know there. Apparently not, so we went to invade the staff room. First I saw my favourite English teacher - she got me to writing journal entries, which moved on to diary and blog entries. *sparkle* Anyhow, our conversation went like..

She: How come you're still in your uniform?
I: *blink* Huh?
She: Oh you're sec 4, is it?

Oops apparently I looked older than that. :p But she remembers me, so that's good. :p Met some old friends. Some of the guys just plainly continuously ignored me for some reason. *raise eyebrow* Saw my P4 English teacher, who as of every year tells me she's busy. She said it's not the right day to go back to visit. Weeeeell, it's teachers' day for a reason! Geeeee. :p Anyway I've quite given up on trying to strike a proper conversation with her. Every single year! Though she remembers me. :)

Saw my P2 P.E. teacher which was SO sweet because she recognised me immediately and called me by my name instead of the typical 'I remember you, but I don't remember your name' excuse. :p P2!!! Okay, she was my Purple House teacher in-charge too. Ran for sports' day in P4 I think, and she trained me then. ;-) Love her to bits cos she's so sweet! Had bad experiences with her before, however. I used to try to get lame excuses, i.e. stomachaches and headaches to skip school when I have P.E. that day in P2. Hahaha. Then in P4 I realised that she's nice though she's super fierce. She said I've become a 'confident young woman' - TKGS values *grin* She thinks I've been taught well, cos I'm definitely more outspoken now. She's lovelyyyyyyy.

She: Mrs Chia (P1 & P2 form teacher) has retired, if you're trying to look for her.
I: Oh, since when?
She: Huh? Very long time ago already.
I: Really?
She: Yeah, like about 5 years back.
I: OH.

I suspect her daughter's in TKGS but I forgot to probe. DARN. How else would she know my school spirit!

Anyways, met my music teacher / choir teacher. She remembers my mum after I tried to refresh her memory - she mistook me for some other girl. Holy... :p She was asking if I'm in choir and all. Darn I went super far from that track. Oh well, the choir days were kinda fun ;-) I remember how my SYF song went! Round and round and round and round and round the cradle goes...Spins and then spins... etc

Went down to the HOD room, apparently empty because the teachers are having a meeting - from 1 to 5pm. God damn it. It's TEACHERS' DAY!! HELLO!? But some teachers popped out of the meeting here and there, and because my timing is so absolutely wonderful, I met my favourite maths teacher for like 2 minutes just so that he can say he's busy cos he's in the middle of a meeting. Met my science teacher and it was so nice to talk to him! He was lovely as well. ;-) He wished me well for the O's and all, told me about his babies. Last I checked he had one baby. Now he's got 2 kiddies! AWWW!! :) And my last year in primary school, he was the discipline master, always defending the prefects. (I was a prefect for a year, and whenever we had students that were darn annoying, we'd go to him and it's so cool cos he'll always help us. Hahaha. People hated me when I was a prefect I knew it very well. I'd scold everyone who annoyed me. HAHAHA) But now he's no longer under the whole disciplinary thingy.

And finally, horror of all horrors I saw this guy who looked so familiar, and immediately dragged my cousin away cos I realised he was one of the kids I used to scold all the time. *COUGH* He was so annoying. Seemingly still very childish. I don't think he's gonna like the fact that the prefect who used to scold him all the time was there. So I decided to make myself scarce. :p

Met lots of old friends. While it did make me kinda nostalgic, I'm still glad that I've grown up really. :) And the guys. *shudder* I felt like an ultimate dwarf there. It's so unfair that they're having their growth spurt now. I used to be amongst the tall ones in class, dammit. Life's never fair, is it?

Maaaan, I wish the teachers were less busy. I wish a bigger part of the class was enthusiastic about visiting, so we can have a class photo, except it's 4 years later. That'd be fun... If only.

P/S: People who skipped school today or on the day of cross country just to study are plain mood spoilers.

I Wasn't Tagged But I'm Doing It Anyway

2005-08-27T19:53:00.000+08:00

Seven things you plan to do before you die!!
1. Bungee jump
2. Sky dive
3. Travel around Europe / Canada / many parts of the world in general
4. Parasail
5. Go horse-riding
6. Be a professional guitarist :p
7. Be satisfied with all that I've achieved before I die

Seven things you can do!!
1. Bug my cousin all day long.
2. Bully certain people whenever I meet them. (In jest, of course.)
3. Cheer up at the sight of chocolates.
4. Roll my eyes perfectly well.
5. Be a complete coach potato.
6. Memorise song lyrics well.
7. Be completely moody, without pms-ing, for several days!

Seven things you can't do!!!
1. Live without my family and friends
2. Live in a third-world country for a year.
3. Live a day without my spectacles or contact lenses.
4. Rollerblade.
5. See things on its surface. (I read too much into lots of things nowadays.)
6. Express my feelings verbally.
7. Roll my tongue when I say 'R'.

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex!!
1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. Tan
4. Height
5. Dressing
6. Accessories
7. Personality portrayed (possibly most important)

Seven things you say most!!!
1. Mmhmm
2. Hello / Hello?
3. Shiat.
4. Shut up.
5. Retarded!
6. Loser!
7. Damn it.

Seven celebrity crushes!!!
1. Ashton Kutcher
2. Brad Pitt
3. Oliver James
4. Utt
5. Lance Bass
6. Adam Sandler
7. Thomas Sangster (below)

AWWWW...BLESS! *tears*

Seven people to be tagged!!
1. Seige
2. Lianne
3. Markos
4. Elise
5. Melvin
6 & 7.. err, whoever sees this, really. I can't think of anyone else who'd be arsed enough to do it. :p

Loss Of Loved Ones' Lives

2005-08-25T19:25:00.000+08:00

Recently I witnessed a person cry after being reminded of the granddad's death a few years ago. Despite being 'a few years' later, I guess people never really completely get over the loss of a loved one's life.

And I feel extremely bad when things like that happen. Out of sympathy perhaps - for them and for myself. For them because they lost someone so dear to them. Self-pity because... well, I've never experienced that. It's not that I want to lose someone I love. It's definitely not like, god take them away from me, quick, quick! No, it's definitely not.

But sometimes I wonder if it's a loss... not to lose someone. Perhaps because I haven't lost anyone, I may be taking the people around for granted. Like it's a lack, on my part, of experience - of falling. And climbing back up again.

Because I've never been really hurt, I've never felt like, hey that made me a stronger person. I never really got the chance, I guess. And this sounds weird I know. It's not like I want to be hurt. I just wonder if I'd be different if it happened. It's just the usual thousand and one What-Ifs. We wonder...

Let's just say it's not entirely true I've not witnessed any death. The only deaths in the family are that of my paternal granddad, my 5th uncle and my maternal grandma. I never got to see my paternal granddad or my 5th uncle. I don't feel their loss because I have a maternal granddad and a paternal grandma, and I'm never close to grandparents anyways.

I wonder if it's odd to say, I wish I had experience. I wish I could say, "Been there, done that" and give an ah-that's-no-biggie-I've-gone-through-that-before expression when something like that happens. I wonder.

My Super Sweet 16

2005-08-23T17:18:00.000+08:00

Song: Aerosmith - Cryin'

Big, big thank you for all the greetings and wishes. Namely people at school, Seigey (the most brilliant message at midnight. :p), Mainey, Jean, Melvin, Kenneth, YP, Ernest, Markos (for remembering the wrong day so you wished me a day early, and then counting down the hours online, and then wishing me again when it was the right day), Shona, Lianne (huge huge surprise! haven't literally heard you for very long!), Helmi (for trying to keep me up until it was past midnight and then wish me firsthand), Minggie, Chuntsen (which was a huge surprise! Didn't think he'd remember, at all, considering how long I've not spoken to this chap).. I could go on with the names, really. It feels really nice to know that people do remember ;) Thank you.

[I know not everybody reads this blog but I figured I needed to note this down to remember such a significant birthday. It's my best birthday ever! :) And I don't normally list names either, so this is one exception!]

On Sunday, my family and I were out for dinner. Billy Bombers! Slurrrrrrrp. I had some Philly Cheesesteak, which was really good. The waiter was super attentive to our 'needs'. :p Whenever I had problem getting ketchup out of the bottle, after knocking it a few times, he would rush to my rescue! Twice! *laugh* Yes, gave super good feedback on their feedback form! [Shameless advertising for their service - Century Square's Billy Bombers has great service! It's on the top level next to their cinema!! :p] I thought this little serving of dessert looked super adorable, so I had to take a picture of it!

Then my parents and brother headed towards Swensen's. I was grinning madly because I knew that my cake was gonna be an ice cream cake! Ooh I already knew my 16th was gonna be a super sweet one! Yum! Sure enough it was a Mango Tango cake. Cookies 'n' Cream ice cream with little oreo cookies on top and mango in the middle. Yum yum yum!

Got my cousins to come down and had photo-taking as per normal. =) Presents as per normal, from my beloved Seigey. Her brother gave me a red packet, which took me by surprise, that's why I suddenly asked, "your money ah?" :P Oops. I mean... he's just in the army. Aren't those stuff supposed to be given by married people?

Aaaanyways, then my brother gave me the best gift ever. It overwhelmed me within minutes. I was cutting my cake, and I started ~~crying~~ bawling. And in the midst of all that tears I was laughing at myself. And grinning for joy. And crying. Of course they had to laugh at me for crying, calling me a cry-baby and all that. Never mind, all that for my new little baby, I don't care. I love my brother for now. :p This, ladies and gentlemen, is my new baby.

I knowwwww, isn't it gorgeous? I am absolutely stumped for ideas for his birthday present. *sigh*

Seigey got me awestruck with this fab gift. :p

At night, I was kept up till past midnight, got wished Happy 16th Birthday. Then the messages kept rolling in, so my cellphone vibrated madly. I'm not complaining, I swear ;-) Such lovelies, everybody! :D

Yesterday, my class sang me birthday songs twice! Once at literature class, just the 10 of them, and the other at... class. Awwwh :) So sweet! My friends started trying to come out with ideas for how I should spend my birthday. Needless to say they were trying to brainwash me that despite being only a week away from prelims, I can still take the day off away from the books. :P One of the idea was to get a tub of Ben & Jerry's and take a spoon and savour it while walking down the streets of Orchard Road. Hahahaha, I liked the idea!

But of course, that didn't happen. Duh. :p I was taken out for dinner instead - had pizza. The cheesy crust didn't seem as nice as it was being advertised but I liked it nonetheless. AND I had another cake to cut, more candles to blow out. I made the same wishes cos I'm greedy and I'm hoping the more number of times I get to blow them out, the higher chance of them coming true. And because birthdays only come once a year I had to squeeze in 3 wishes. HEH. And was given handphone stands. 2 - one for my cellphone and the other, I managed to squeeze my baby in it!

Anyhow, it was a lovely birthday, really. I really appreciate the efforts of everyone who tried to please me yesterday, for remembering my birthday in the first place and those who got me gifts, thanks I love 'em all!

Funny thing is, I got a pink bag from Seigey, pink socks and pink nail polish from Audrey. And my mum kept telling my bro he should've gotten me pink iPod mini instead of the blue one. Hmmmmmm...

It was still the best birthday I've had in my entire life. ;-) Last year was spent on a minute scale though it was at my uncle's place. I don't like celebrating birthdays with relatives, by the way. Only seigey's side and my family would do. :p Two years back, I hardly felt like many remembered it. Three years back it was downright screwed by my granny. So as far as I can remember, this is the one I had most fun, most love, most wishes, most tears and laughter. Thanks everybody!!!

And today we had Sec 4 farewell, so I had another cake to cut and eat. Wow, three consecutive days. Soon, I'll know that I need intensive workout to make up for all this fat I've accumulated. Heck that for now.

I spy with my eye and I see...

This was absolutely gorgeous but I didn't have a proper camera with me, what a pity! The camera on my phone'll never do justice to how gorgeous it was.

I guess, it's about time to get down to proper studying for the prelims that's next week. *sigh* Can't wait for all that shiate to be overrrr. Pah. Still, at least I had a super sweet 16. :)

Alive, Not Dead

2005-08-18T17:31:00.000+08:00

Song: Mest - Shell Of Myself

It's incredibly heartwarming to receive a little note from a friend I knew 6 years ago. We were best friends then, for two years. We were always together, and she was highly respected in school. I , on the other hand, was trying to earn respect. Both of us had authority in the beginning before I gave mine up. I took mine as a job, doing it best I can, keeping order around. She had the leadership flair in her the whole time, taking it super easily. Everybody liked her. I, too, did. She was, afterall, my best friend.

When I stopped being a prefect, she was the head prefect. I followed her around all the time, even when she's having her prefect duties. We were great friends. I told her everything and she told me everything. After school, we'd spend a few hours on the phone talking about nothing at all. When teachers approached her in school, they'd refer to me as her 'bodyguard' because I always seem to be escorting her about. I didn't care because I already had a sense of humour. :P

Then came the examinations, and soon we were leaving the Primary School. I knew we weren't going to spend the next 4 years together because her dream school was chinese ed, and I was miles apart from being interested in speaking chinese all the time, having certain subjects conducted in mandarin, saying the pledge in mandarin, etc. So we pledged to stay in contact, and remain the best of friends for the longest period of time ever.

Naive as primary school kids we were, we agreed. Keep in contact. Always talk to each other, continue sharing every single event in our lives with each other. And then, time became our biggest enemy. We soon found no time to tell each other every detail of what's happening around like we used to be able to. I didn't like the idea of not being able to tell my best friend, then, about the things going on in my life. I wanted to have someone there for me all the time. Then again, I was 13. I was a selfish nuisance. We then drifted inevitably.

Because she's always been the more sociable one, she's more popular with everybody in class. Every single primary school gathering, I'd be tagging along, whilst everybody asked about her, how she's been doing, etc. Funny thing was, I never was jealous. I couldn't be bothered to fight for all that glory. I shoved all forms of limelight at her, and I knew we were fine with it. We were best friends. I began to lose interest in going for primary school gatherings, however. So, the distance between us accumulated and we were soon at different ends of the world.

Due to different environmental factors, we undergo different influences, we no longer share common interests. We no longer are able to speak freely and openly about anything and everything. We are no longer able to keep a conversation going for a long time without any pause of awkwardness. And without knowing it, years go by without us speaking to each other at all. Yes, no doubt last I checked, we're still on good terms. But what's the point of being on good terms when you don't speak to one another anymore?

Nonetheless, yesterday my dad came home from checking the mailbox and found an envelope with my name streaked across it. Before even opening it, I recognised that very familiar writing. The writing brought back distant memories. And then, it was completely heartwarming for the next period of time because I was surprised she remembered I'm about to turn 16. I was in utter shock. Surprised, rather. Her note was handmade too. It just shows that she does make an effort to remember, to make a little note, to convince me that our friendship still exists. And that it shall exist, as long as we make an effort to keep writing to each other.

The friendship that I thought had died with time is alive after all. :)

Bad Day?

2005-08-17T19:42:00.000+08:00

Song: 'N Sync - Just Got Paid

Today's Forecast
Taking things out on someone else really won't help in the long run. So if your boss' irresponsibility bothers you, take it up with them -- don't pick on your sweetheart for forgetting the milk.

That's today's horoscope on Friendster. It's not completely accurate word for word, but the entire meaning is there. Holy freaking god. It's quite scary. Quite very scary. Cos I did just take it out on someone last night, but all's well. :) Thank goodness. I hate it when that happens. Especially when I'm not pms-ing cos there's simply no reason for the plunge in mood. And I wasn't even having a bad day.

Anyhow, just as I thought perhaps I'll wake up to a better day, I woke up feeling a headache slowly creeping onto me. True enough, it took over me when I left home. I tried to catch as much sleep as I could on the bus, and I did even with random songs blasting on my mp3 player. I had Papa Roach blasting in my ears at one point but that wouldn't make me get up. I slept through it and somehow I heard a little of it, subconsciously.

When I woke up a few stops before where I was to alight (my body clock works pretty well when it comes to sleeping on the way to school), there was no difference. I could still feel that tingling pain in the head. God damn it. Went to class, was quite early, so I slept again. For about 15 minutes. No difference. Struggled through the first 2 classes, the headache started to worsen slightly.

Then there was P.E., and I thought it'd get worse. But it got slightly better. Went for a drink and all, went back to class, was feeling better, miraculously! But, after the break, another lesson. Hence the headache came back on me, striking hard as it possibly could. Bloody hell. I struggled through practical lesson, and then it was LEGACY (moral ed.) and there was this break, so I slept again. Couldn't get to sleep actually, just rested a little. I hate feeling like that in school. Then Brenda had to come and whack me with her book. :p (I don't blame her though, would've slept through when our VP came in, if she hadn't woken me up!)

Anyhow, it got worse and worse. Planned to go studying with Seige after school but couldn't be bothered. So I just went to Parkway to meet Ming Li, who gave me my first birthday present! Awwh :) Thanks for remembering, babe! Met her for a short, short while, then went off.

Surprisingly, on my trip home, I slept super well. And I woke up with half the headache gone. Thank you, god! Thank you! :p Realised my house door was closed, so I just went to Seige's place. Had lunch, and I felt like puking after that. Suppose I gobbled it too quickly. I wasn't hungry but the double cheese burger was oh-godly tempting. And, helped her finish her entire packet of Oreo.

I'm not surprised if I start to fall sick. But I can't! Prelims in 2 weeks! Gah. That's the end of a very whiny bad day. :) ((Just figured I haven't whined about a day like that in ages. Heh!))

Fluctuating Moods

2005-08-16T22:19:00.000+08:00

Song: Blink 182 - Down

I fricking hate it when my mood is beyond my control. I mean it's always been beyond my control, but when I'm happy, I can stop it from going down - most of the times. I can simply refuse to let myself be affected by the other stuff going on around me.

And today I nearly got in an argument with some people around. And I fricking hate it because they knew I wasn't in the best state of mind to begin with, so they don't push their way through like they normally do, to spice up an 'intellectual' discussion. I hate feeling like I have to make people compromise with me, because they don't have a choice. Cos of my fricking fluctuating moods. Actually I do know half the cause of my mood. But, it's not even important. Ugh. Hate it hate it hate it.

And I hate it more when people notice it. Somehow. Because it's an indication that it's been so obvious and annoying them. I think.

Bloody hell. This has to happen when people require me to help cheer them up. Greeeeat. Great, great, great.

Cost

2005-08-14T11:18:00.000+08:00

Song: Papa Roach - Getting Away With Murder

This entry is done in slight frustration.

Because people have found alternatives of watching movies, ie getting pirated VCDs for single movie they want to catch, downloading the entire movie, etc, they raise the prices of movies. And to date, when you ask some people who buys pirated VCDs from across the courseway for every single movie they wanna catch, they tell you the movie tickets are too expensive. Well, wasn't it the fault of theirs to start of with? But I won't shirk responsibility cos I used to be like that too.

Because for some god damn reason, people don't visit A&W, my cousin and I used to frequent there for breakfasts and it's always empty. And when all branches are demolished, only leaving that ONE branch in the airport where we can't even enter unless we have a ticket. And then, people start complaining about it being scarce in singapore already. I still miss their root beer float and curly fries, which every fast food chain is quickly ripping off. Why only complain when it's gone?

And then, the inevitable issue of downloading songs. I really don't care if people download songs. As long as you aren't downloading albums after albums. My brother does that. And it's like holy cow, suddenly you see Howie Day, James Blunt, Jay-Z, Gwen Stefani, Michael Buble... and every conversation with him goes like this.

I: I wanna get [insert cd title here]
He: Aiya, download lah.
I: Tsk

I: Yo, I got [insert cd title here] today!
He: Siao, just download lah. Waste money.

So, I have to quickly buy a CD if I want it, before he manages to download it, each time. Or he'd see it as a complete giveaway of money. Not especially since I rip my CDs onto the computer each time.

People want more music, and they wonder why certain artistes are dropped off their labels. No money coming in, what's the point of keeping them? People want more and better songs. But they never learnt that nothing comes for free.

One fine day if cd prices rises, I'm gonna scream at people who tell me such stuff. One fine day.

P/S: And for all who's gonna start with the "I'm broke" excuse, bear in mind my allowance is $20 a week. You can save enough for a brand new CD in a month if you can only be bothered to.

Riots

2005-08-13T11:19:00.000+08:00

Song: Papa Roach - Not Listening

*AMUSED*

Read here.

Riot police. Geez, I never knew we had the 'need' for one of those. :p And I don't suppose I've seen any of those.

And I think I'll be secretly trying to control laughter if I saw those protestors.

This is not an entry against them, however. Because their protest does make sense! What do we learn in Social Studies? Qualities of a good governance - transparency. Now we wonder.

Oral And Its Compensations

2005-08-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

Song: Papa Roach - Be Free

Tomorrow I'll be out, studying. *gasp* That is such an odd idea, especially when it's noone from school or my cousin. LOL I hardly think it'll work, but we'll see. Risking a Saturday.

Today's O's English Orals was reaaally really really bad. I was stuttering during the picture discussion and conversation. I spouted a 'lah' and said 'that sort of thing' - everything one should avoid in an oral examination. I went out of point for the second conversation question - "The expectations of people make them take their lifestyles for granted. Do you agree?" What the?!

I hardly had much content for the picture, though I think overall that might've been fine. But the conversation was such a letdown, really. To think I was overjoyed when the invigilator for the prelims oral told me I'm a 'good conversationalist'. Snort. Good, my arse.

The passage was great though. It was pretty smooth from head to tail. For once, really. Even though I stumbled twice on the same phrase, surprisingly it wasn't downhill from there. I regained composture and was smooth all way through again. So, that should be fine.

But I swear to god, the conversation was really bad. I hope, hope, hope I get a distinction. I suck at comprehension, and I cannot entirely rely on composition. Oh pleaseeeeee, god, help!

Nonetheless, thanks to all the sweeties who were trying to calm my nerves before the oral, and the sweetie consoling me after the oral. As a result, I got a Papa Roach CD. If I'd got the CD in the afternoon, I'd be blasting it quite happily. :p But now that I've gotten over it, ranted it to enough people, I'm quite okay already. Screw it. Not to forget, I said, "I don't completely agree" because I forgot about the existence of the word 'disagree'. I said, "machines that detect" because I forgot there's such a word as 'sensor'. That's what people do when they're shit scared, isn't it? :p

And, caught Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. *grin* Many lines that I can't seem to forget.
"Daddy, I want another pony."
"Daddy, make time move faster."
"Daddy, I want a squirrel."
"I don't have a lot of pets, I just have 2 ponies, [insert number here] [insert pet here] ... and a stupid big hamster."
"They think he's a genius but he's an idiot. And I'm not."
"The best prize... is a sur-prize. Ha ha, ha ha." - the usual chortle from Mr Wonka that I absolutely love. :p

Oh, Willy Wonka. My new found love flame. My idol. :p I want some wonka chocolates! Well, I quite liked it generally. :) Plot was lovely thanks to Roald Dahl. Acting was odd. I'm so hooked on Wonka's chortles. The little boy (Charlie) was slightly stiff but he's so sweet. Kinda nice and light-hearted!

Most Adorable Kitten

2005-08-11T16:00:00.000+08:00

Song: Backstreet Boys - Missing You

Yesterday, I caught Wedding Crashers with a dear. (Says a lot about staying at home to study, no? :p) Suuuuper hilarious a movie. Kind of draggy - 2 hours for a comedy. But the funny bits really made up for it. So many times you just feel, OUCH! for the poor chap. And it's sappy bits made me cry. *sigh* Sappy stuff makes me cry more easily than say, a death of a soldier in some sorta war show. I'm such a loser. I cried twice.

Anyhow, I think Owen Wilson looks pretty damn hot. :p And I think it could possibly pass off as PG, because it was pretty censored. Just the occasional cussing, that was about it. Thank god I wasn't rejected at the entrance. The lady asked if we're both 16. Umm nobody in their right minds would say, "No, I'm not 16," when that person's buying tickets for a bloody NC-16 film. *raise eyebrow* Anyway, that was my 2nd NC-16 film at the theatres. Again, nobody checked my IC. Yay! I do look mature afterall! Or maybe it was the company I was with, but I prefer to presume it's the former.

After that, hopped over to Cash Converters, as usual. Bought *N Sync's first album. :p That's another CD off my CD list. Looking good. Think I'll be saving up for their christmas album by next week. Hopefully. The CDs I tried to hide there were gone! *sniffle*

Oh and Swensen's is having a promotion for all Sundaes, at $4! So after all the service charges, it's about... $4.60 I think. Go, everybody! Treat me to Swensen's! *cough* I don't mind. Promotions last till the end of August.

So anyway, was at the park nearby afterwards, and I saw the tiniest kitten ever. It was incredibly tiny. If I grabbed it by one hand, you'd only see its head sticking out. That's how tiny it is. It mews with a super high pitch. Its (or her, I think) mum is a complete wimp. When we walked to her kitten, it ran away! What happens if a bully goes up to her child!? So much for the motherly instincts. Snort. Anyhow, as soon as the kitten sensed we weren't about to harm her, she instantly loved me. *cough* It walked towards me, mewed. Walked to my feet, sniffed me. Walked between my legs, stood there. If I took a step back, it'd follow me back. It kept following me, and circling one of my feet

It'd then look up at me with those puss-in-boots eyes. Blue eyes, may I add. Pretty blue eyes. I've not seen blue eyes in cats before! Anyhow, it was so adorable I snapped so many shots of it. It then walked to my jeans, nibbled at its folded ends. When I tiptoed, it'd walk to my slipper, under my foot, and curl up there. I had to continue tiptoeing, wondering if I should continue lifting my foot. It was as though it was comparing foot size with me. It was so adorable I was so tempted to smuggle it into my bag and bring it home. If my gran doesn't stay with us, I swear I'll bring it home. I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind it so much if they saw it. My brother sure wouldn't mind, I'm certain.

I'm not entirely a cat person. I'm a dog person. But my god, that little kitten really made me melt. I was constantly patting it gently, mesmerized by its innocent expressions. It deserved someone better to take care of it than that mum who runs off as soon as anyone comes near, leaving the child alone.

I think I'll go by the park again soon to check on the little kitten.

Sweetest Little Thing...

2005-08-10T10:40:00.000+08:00

Song: Rick Price - Come On, Come On

I was on the train yesterday, when I saw this little girl on the pram. She looks about 2 or 3 years old. Her parents looked philippino. And she looks incredibly adorable. Bound to turn out as a babe! I stood near the pram, occasionally looking at the little girl, and broke into a smile as I saw her huge eyes blinking, observing this little strange world and it's odd surroudings.

And when she caught my eye, she smiled her sweetest smile back.

Soon it became a frequent thing, to look at her and smile, and she would always give her prettiest smile back. Slowly, the train became more packed, and I had to move to the centre of the train. It was closer to the pram, really. She began reaching out for my bag and tugged it. I looked at her and smiled again. She then tugged my jeans and gave the girliest grin!

After giggling slightly and smiling at her, she tried tugging onto my bag again. This time, her mum saw, and she grabbed her daughter's hands and told her not to touch people's stuff. Her granny looked at me, as I looked at the little girl and smiled. She smiled back, turned to her gran and gave a giggle, like she's having a good time. The gran then grinned at me. Awwwh!!

Then finally, at city hall, I went to the door towards the left, while they headed to the right. Coincidentally (I'm not making this up), she began struggling and then she bawled. When we got out of the train, I lost sight of her but I could hear her bawling away. *sigh*

She was, I swear, the sweetest little thing.

This Is Home...

2005-08-09T09:58:00.000+08:00

Song: Justin Timberlake - Take It From Here

Finally I'm listening to Justified. :p

Yesterday was the last secondary school national day celebration I'll be able to attend. But it hasn't struck me that it is the final one. I just don't feel it yet. I don't feel like I'll be leaving the school in a few months. While occasionally I get reminded that I'll lose my classmates by the end of the year, feeling like I'll be leaving this school is a different matter altogether. I just don't feel it. I guess I wouldn't mind being in some other school, if I had the exact same group of friends there with me. Perhaps.

Anyhow, this country I have a home in turns 40 today. *ponder* I guess, in a way, it has done well. The reasons why I'm not largely in favour of remaining here all my life isn't exactly much of the fault of the government or anything like that. I want vast land, I want a less academic-based country, I want that bit of freedom to roam about, and wander, looking deep into your own talents and not just all about the studying. Because in here, aces get you far. That makes everyone mug their asses off. And that isn't how I view a fruitful childhood as. People get increasingly paranoid, kiasu (in other words, afraid to lose out), over-competitive. You hardly find people that willing to share around here.

About the bit of wanting vast lands, I want to be able to explore my country. I want to see greenery, vast spaces of greenery, being close to nature. There is no need for mountains but truthfully do you actually see greenery here? Yea sure you see tons of trees. And nature reserve parks. *ponder*

And surely aces are important in studying. But it shouldn't be the only ticket around. It shouldn't be the case that you have to be the top of the top with all aces and distinctions, to get the best of the best. Doesn't mean you're fabulous at books, memorising facts means you'll be fab with say, human relations, customer service, entrepreneurship, law. It all depends on how good you are at that specific thing in the end, no?

But people view you as god here, if you ace in english, math, science, chinese, humanities, etc here. Why is that? Does that make one an all-rounder?

Okay I think I'm digressing slightly.

Point is, here being academic based isn't exactly its fault. Since it's so tiny, has so few stuff ie natural resources and all that, it has to be this competitive I guess. So it was governed and handled well but not entirely my cup of tea. Land isn't an option either.

So, okay, I don't blame anyone for my dislike. I just want to get out of here.

That being said, Happy 40th. :p

Retail Therapy

2005-08-07T17:24:00.000+08:00

song: Christina Aguilera - Infatuation

I haven't gotten down to doing work yet. *hums*

And Brenda's gonna kill me for this entry. But it doesn't matter since she's gonna kill me for pangsehing her tomorrow. *sigh* Either way I'm dead meat, I might as well make use of it, yes? Yes. :p

Was out accompanying her on her retail therapy since she was feeling 'stressed', as she claims. :p She bought a lot of things!! I only bought ONE top. *sparkle* One black one, and only after she was forcing me to buy it. I think she was secretly feeling bad that she's spending on all that and I wasn't.

And then she did the most disappointing thing, telling me she might just treat the top as my birthday gift so I don't have to return her the money I owe her for the black top. Pah. This is what your best friend does to you. Sadness. :p She claims it isn't final, so it might not be my present. But judging her, I think it is. Hahahahaha. But I accept it anyway. The more I look at it, I like my top more and more! *hop!*

It says Tahiti on it. I think I'll be wearing that on National Day. LOL Okay, you can say it. I'm an ass.

Anyhow, we were at FOX and this guy, seemingly interested in Brenda, though she thinks he's interested in me, approached us, asked for our names, tried to find out more about us. He's a salesperson there... It was darn odd! I told my mum about the discounts there and she was interested to go back there. I think it'll be damn weird if I go back there as well and see the guy again, alone this time. *ponder*

But that's so funny. As in odd, funny. I've never been approached before. So it must be Brenda lah! Awwww because someone next to me then was so pretty. Hahahhaa

Okay I'll go work on my protection shield now, in case I don't get to leave school tomorrow unscathed. :p

P/S: My niece replied my email! I sense excitement there. I'm verrrrry glad ;)

I Wanna Go To Canada Now!

2005-08-06T17:08:00.000+08:00

Song: SR-71 - Politically Correct

(Seige, you'll want to read every bit of this.)

I'm close to feeling emotional at the moment upon reading an email from my cousin addressed to my brother. He's residing in Canada, leading pretty free and easy life shifting about quite a lot. His wife, as I remember, was a real nice lady. She's one of the nicest mums I know around. Or maybe because she's not the usual mum we see in Singapore. Their parenting styles are different. They allow their girls to run about (only because they're mature enough to, anyway) and the little one used to bump into the padded wall and fall, and no one does anything to it, while my cousin and I stood in shock, wondering if she was going to cry. The little one was probably 5 then. And needless to say, she didn't. Instead, she laughed at her own fall and climbed up again.

Now, my nieces, aged 13 and 9, are all grown up! They're both gifted, but chose to go to the Arts school to do lots of performing, theatre, dancing, etc. They're into ballet, tap and jazz dancing. The 13-year-old plays the drums and guitar, and is currently into flute. The 9-year-old's self taught piano and guitar player. Sounds very much like me. :p

Thing is, I can't seem to put that into place. The last time I saw them was when they were... probably 9 and 5. I can't remember. I can't piece both bits of the puzzle together. I don't know how they look like now, only heard they're much taller, prettier. I miss them so badly. They were like little sisters cos the age gap isn't there, but they're actually nieces!

I remember how odd it was when they arrived, cos they don't remember us much since they come once in a few years. But soon, Seige and I were entertaining them quite a bit, and they didn't want to leave. We, too, didn't want them to leave. Not forgetting our affinity with them being Eurasians. *cough*biased*cough* Mainly because they think very much better than even our other cousins who're older than them by a few years. Much more mature too. And anyone who knows Seige and I knows how much we despise extreme immaturity. Esp those cousins who're a few years older than those nieces, they're pale in comparison. Completely s.p.o.i.l.t. So annoying, that I love my nieces so much. :p

Anyhow, my brother emailed my cousin about me as well, updating him on how the family's doing. He said he can't picture me being 16, taking the O's and all, cos he always remembered me as the 'cute little girl'. He said the girls remember me but not by my name. (Well, well. It's true what people say then. People don't remember you by the tag you're named, but by the person you are. *sparkle*) But it's extremely heartwarming to know they actually remember me. If I were their age I probably won't remember someone I visited 4 years back, and then 10 years back. I remember writing in my journal when I was 12, that if they come back 6 years later, I'll be 18. They came when I was 6 before that. I even have a picture of one of them with me when we were so tiny, hopping on my uncle's black leather couch, I remember, in his old house. It's always been in my wallet.

I'm amazed that we're suddenly all in contact again, cos I truly miss them, and not because I want to go to Canada badly. Okay maybe that too, but definitely more of the former. And my brother's seriously considering migrating to Canada, I think. Anyway *hop* they sent us the email addresses of the girls.

(SEIGEY! ASK ME FOR THEM!! :D)

This is the one in my wallet.

What Sign Of The Zodiac Am I Meant For?

2005-08-04T21:01:00.000+08:00

You scored as Aquarius.

You get along best with the sign of Aquarius. Although Aquarians can be seem very odd, or over opinionated, they are good generous people. They are the humanitarians of the zodiac; they always put others in the place of themselves. Aquarians have a strong sense of individuality, and likewise, can be very eccentric. They usually have many friends because they are very easy to get along with, although at times, Aquarians can be withdrawn and introverted when they choose to be.

Gemini

75%

Libra

75%

Aquarius

75%

Taurus

70%

Aries

65%

Leo

60%

Capricorn

60%

Sagittarius

60%

Cancer

50%

Pisces

45%

Virgo

40%

Scorpio

40%

What sign of the Zodiac are you meant for?
created with QuizFarm.com

That means I pretty much get along with everyone, since the percentage difference isn't that great. :p

Anyhow, reading the Aquarius stuff mentioned, I think it's pretty accurate. *ponder*